hangover

iIkeep seeing commercials for The Hangover. The special edition hangover. Not the regular one you saw in the theaters. Please The Hangover got my money. It was a good purchase. I respect it. But the more I keep seeing commercials. The more I am starting to hate the movie. Its not the moveimakers fault. That they are trying to squeeze out every dollar out of it. But still how many versions are you going to have? Special edition, unedited, director's cut? I want the version iIliked. I don't need all these versions. Just one. The one I saw in the theater. And I don't need to buy it. I saw it. You got my money. Be happy.

hand

I had to give some blood today. One of those do not eat for 12 hours. I hate this tests because they can't find a vein in arms. So I have been stabbed then she moves it around in my arm looking for veins. It hurts. They should know better than to do that. But today I hit a new low. She did not even bother taking her chances on my arms. She went right for my hand. Its bad enough having a bruise on your arm that makes you like a heroin addict. At least in the winter you can cover up the bruise with no worries. But if have a bruise in the summer that might be a little more complicated. But having a bruise on your hand. It is a problem. There is no way to cover it up. What are you going to do? Wear gloves. Use the Michael Jackson glove on one hand. Like that is not going to stand out. Its going to stand out as much as having a bruise on your hand.

late

I was busy hanging out outside with my friends. We were on the fast food line drive through. When I get this call that I am on in 10 minutes. Well ten minutes is a long time. No way it would take longer than ten minutes. But then we were not moving. We had not even payed in the line at in and out burger. I was in trouble. and why was I risking it. For some food? Is just for food. I did not want to be late. then I get another call. 6 minutes. 6 minutes until I am on stage. We still have not picked up the food. We need to get that before we can move it back to the club. well we get our food. and we take off. I am scared. I did not want to be late. A friend of mine missed her spot and she got yelled at. Another one missed his spot. Did not get on. Well I wanted to run in. I get in. It turns out i am next. So I had a reason to get all nervous.

cologne

I got a very weird Christmas gift. I got a cologne. Colognes are not my thing. I don't try to smell good. I smell alright I say. But who is saying. Are they trying to send me a message that I smell bad. How dare you use the wonderful holiday of Christmas to send me the message that I smell bad. Why do you get to send me the message? I think smell alright. I take a shower each day. I wash my hair every other day. So I smell good. Enough of this you need cologne crap. I smell like I am supposed to smell. Like someone who bathes smells. So to get cologne is a slap in the face. At least get me a cologne that smells good. Not some cologne that smells perfume. I am not a metro sexual. So I do not appreciate getting some cologne that smells like something flowery. I am a man. I want to smell like a man smells.

kewl

My friends complain that the word kewl has been used like a hundred times on their cell phone texting. Its true I like to use the word kewl a lot. Not spelled the right way cool. But spelled the wrong way kewl. But it does not say kewl. Its listed as kewl. Which is a different listing if I use different words. So they are annoyed by my using a word that does not exist. I should just use real words. Fake words. Hipster words are not allowed after you turn 30. That is the law. Well it is allowed. I use it. That means it is OK. Its OK. Because I tear down walls. That's what I do. Is tear down walls. Like tearing down the kewl word wall.

conditioner

I fucked up. I bought conditioner instead of shampoo. Why is the word poo in shampoo? I am cheap so I decided to just use the conditioner. Since it is dandruff fighting conditioner. From Head and Shoulders. But I have been getting questions. Why is your hair so dirty. Why does your hair look like you are trying to get dreads. Well the reason is I am only using conditioner. I plan to use the whole bottle. Just because I feel ripped off. The bottle looked like all the the Head and Shoulders bottle. I thought it had conditioner and shampoo in the same bottle. I did not know that their was no shampoo. I feel tricked. So I refuse to get a shampoo until my conditioner runs out. I don't care how dirty my hair looks. If it starts dreading than just call me rasta.

sign

I have seen people use sign language before. I have seen people talk to themselves before. But it is the first time I saw somebody talk to themselves with sign language. I really wanted to know what they were saying. What is so important they have to sign it out? What is the sign for sticking it your tongue? I have a need to know. It seemed different watching this man sign to himself. At first I thought he was talking to the bus driver. But no the bus driver can sign and drive the bus at the same time. But the guy was fully absorbed in doing his sign language. What is the sign for fuck you? How about shut the fuck up? He just kept on going for more than a half an hour. Was some imaginary person signing back to him. But it was non stop. So he did not let the other person sign back. Good thing he has energy to keep signing. It tired me out just watching.

cart

I was at the store yesterday. Waiting to use an elevator. The elevator door opens. I get inside. The door starts to shut. Then this guy with a cart with a baby. Uses the cart to stop the door from closing. Hey your baby is in the way too. What the hell. I know its important to get in the elevator. Waiting the 5 minutes extra is worth it. Put your baby in danger why don't you? The elevator knows your are using a baby to block the door way. So it will open right up. Dumbass. You can't use a baby to block the door. If you had no baby. I would so. Go for it. But you have a baby. Maybe it traumatized the bundle of joy. You don't know what the baby thinks of this door smashing up against the cart she is riding. She might get scared. Might never want to ride a cart again. Just because you needed to save the extra minutes.

racism

Not All racism is equal. I saw a Latina use the N word. Some black males did nothing about it. As much as they had said something. The fact she was a homeless looking crackhead. Had a reason to do with the fact they said nothing. But he just stared. So it was like what are they going to do? Even if it is wrong to use the n word. If someone says it. Their should be some kind of consequence for using the n word. But if you are not in an environment where social status has something to be able to punish someone for. So they were not really punishable. So at the end all can do. Is stare.

fate

Fate tells me the weather is not going to get cold any time soon. How does fate send me the message. I had a ski cap stolen out of my car. At the mechanics. Why would the mechanics steal my ski cap. I don't know. Actually I do. Because he can. He probably looked it and thought this is hella kewl. I need it. And since he knew what was I going to complain? Not really. I wanted to. But what could I say and to who. Maybe they just threw it away. I don't know. But I do know if I don't have it. I don't need it. That is what I do know. And I know it very well. Since I don't have it. I know the weather will not get cold again. because I don't have it. And I don't have it. Because I don't need it. god is good that way. And god is very good.

crash

I crashed sunday night. On the freeway. It was a horrible crash. No one was hurt. At least I don't think so. The women driving said she got whiplash. But that's a bunch of bullshit. No whiplash on accident that had no airbags popping. At least the one in the car did not pop. Here I was going in the freeway. When she stops. Because the car in front stopped. But I did not see her stop in time. Because it was raining. Rain just makes everything worst. So I ran into her. Her car had no damage. But no. Now she wants whiplash. Please whiplash does not hurt that quickly. So god knows how much my insurance is going to pay for the medical bills. That are just bullshit. Yeah i ran into her. But she just stopped. For what reason?

tiger too

What is surprising is that he is with only white women? Having an Asian mom and a black father. Wouldn't women from those two groups interest him? It is part of his culture. Women should come with a grain of the culture you are. Or the culture you were brought up on. But it seems he has only interest in white women. I would of thought that he would be at least interested in Asian women. Since they are shaped like white women. But so far only white women have stood up to say they slept with tiger. Maybe women from other racial backgrounds know when to shut up. Or don't know how to make money off of the slutty relationship. But so far the evidence shows. Tiger only likes white women. and What slutty evidence it is.

boise

I hate Boise State. Hate them. I hate them for being too good. I went to a WAC school. Fresno State. And I could figure out how all these California players went to Boise. Boise for fuck sake. I don't care how good you are. Spending my college years in Boise sounds bad. But they do it. Boise could be the best team on the west coast. Who knows. But they have a blue field. How is that allowable? That has to be an advantage. The team wears all blue on a blue field. That is just wrong. Wrong. But they allow it. How other teams did not get with action? I don't know. So Boise is going to another bcs game. Another one. Why can't Fresno do that? Its not the coach. Their old coach is sucking up in Colorado. So its the system. But what system?

sfsu

On Tuesday I went to do an open mic at San Francisco State University. I was shocked to find people selling pipes and bongs in the open. They had a booth to sell the stuff. This is an educational institution of higher learning. Not high learning. What kind of message are we sending this kids. It is OK to smoke reefer? That is a gateway drug to eating lot of pringels? Is this the message we should be sending out now. Especially since Obama ended the war on marijuana. More now than ever we have to send the message about the harmful effects of marijuana. They see the stores that sell marijuana. To any loser who pays 200 dollars to a shitty Dr. And gets a marijuana card. They get the message that it is good to do. That's why it saddened me to see the pipe and bong dealer set up in a booth right in the campus. We need to stand up to these potheads now more than ever.

stud bar

If you have not experienced The Stud Bar open mic. You are missing out. What an experience of pure joy. The stud bar should be on everybodies calender to do list. It is hosted by Cameron Edmondson. Who is hella tall. But can't ball. Sad. He looks like a baller. Strangely. Isn't that what tall people are supposed to do. Ball. Once a month they have a showcase. Which has a different host. Kelly Annnikan. But Cameron passes out FREE drink tickets. So the comix can get shitfaced before they perform. What is better than that. Well I will tell you. Their are two mics. So one mic gets passed around to be able to heckle the comix. That's what makes this place so much fun. Its an these type of open mics that you really get to know other comix. So don't be a stranger come. The Stud bar. (415) 863-6623 - 399 9th St, San Francisco, CA Wednesdays 9pm. The last wed. is a showcase.

joke

I almost got my ass kicked last night at an open mic. At Amnesia in San Francisco. I was on stage doing my set. I have a joke that I talk about putting cheap beer and my clothes because women are attracted to the smell of cheap beer. Because it reminds them of their first time. This lesbian freaked over that joke. She said it was not funny. Why should I speak for women. Like I am trying to be a spokesperson for what women think. She said it was bad. That cheap beer joke should never be done again. I told her its a joke. Calm your ass. But no way was what i was doing OK. She blocked the doorway. Wouldn't let me out. It freaky. Because I have done jokes that people would freak out about. But that was not one of them. Maybe the women she likes smell like cheap beer. Maybe she smells like cheap beer herself. iI don't know what she really was mad at. Or why she was mad at me at all. Since i am so likable.

tiger

It is not really cheating when you slept with a lot of women during your marriage. Cheating is if you have a mistress on the side. But when you slept with many women. Then you are not really married. Forget the payment for her to stay in the marriage. The court should just throw out the marriage. It is a joke when one person is sleeping with other people like crazy. He should have never married her. She was a nanny. You don't marry the nanny. The nanny is their for the husband to fuck. That's what the nanny's sex responsibilities are. Forget marrying a nanny. Nanny's should not have kids. It breaks the natural order of things. People like the nanny's because they are so good with children. They think of them as marriage material. But its not so. Nanny's are not used to being a wife and mother. Especially when she has kids of her own. She puts all her energy on the kids and non for the husband.

shopping

Ihave not been shopping yet for Christmas gifts. One of the reasons why. I don't like crowds. I don't want to deal with them. I know its a tradition. but really. We still have like a month for Christmas. So why do I have to go out the first day and buy some gifts. I think people actually shop for themselves on the first day of shopping. They don'tgo out looking for stuff for other people. Most people are not up all night waiting in line. Unless their is something they want. Maybe if you have kids. Your wife makes you go out and look for gifts for the children. But you don't want to. You rather be out looking for stuff you want. Yeah the Xbox 360 is for the kids. Its really for you. All that junk you want it. And you are willing to stand all night for it.

black friday

I did it one year. I got in line in the middle of the night to get in on the deals. Just once. And just once is enough. It seems crazy that people got in line all night just for some deals. Why not just open it at midnight. That way you could just show up from being drunk on Thanksgiving. But no they make you wait all night just for 5 good deals in the whole store. That year it was the xbox360. That's what the big lines for. I was looking for a laptop. they had cheap laptops. but only 5 of them. so i just went back home. And back to bed. no way was I going to get any kind of deal. The next day we saw a newspaper ad. So same store. For a laptop. Cheap. We just walked in and got it. Black Friday means nothing and less you are willing to participate. And Idon't participate at all.

beer

You hear a lot about buy American these days. But you never hear buy American beers. Until now. Its time. OK. You like beer. I understand. There are a lot of foreign beer drinkers out there. And they make me sick. I know a lot of people think American beer taste like shit. and I understand your opinion. But it is American and we need to support American products more than ever. No more Guinness. No more Corona, Dos x not even Mexican beers. Even though they are next door. We have to support America. Through and through. They are a lot of Small time beer makers in America. That make good beers. A good find is anchor stream. American. Look for those a good American beers in your local stores. So you can still have the good taste of beer and non of the bad taste of water downed beer. And still feel good about buying American.

big game

The big game used to be more special. When it was the last game of the season for both teams . Before a bowl game. It was played on the weekend before Thanksgiving. So the students could go home for thanksgiving. Which is not going to be this year. They both play teams next week. So its not that special. The nice things both of them are having a good season. Which not does not happen often. That they both play with winning records. These two schools don't hate each other. Like they used to. Because they are both good schools. Many people attend both of them. The game is going to be fun to watch and even be there. I won't be there. Sad. Because I will be somewhere else. But this is the kind of game i would love to watch. And watch I would. I could tivo. But who tivos sporting events. Not me. Because once you know the score why watch?

blood

I hate having to have my blood checked. I get checked every once in a while for cholesterol, high blood pressure and diabetes. But I hate it. Because they can not find a blood vessel in my arm. It takes for ever to find one. Last time after 10 minutes they found one. They stuck the needle in. And barely any blood was coming out. They wondered if i had fasted the 12 hours. Of course I fasted the 12 hours. Did I drink water. Yeah I drank water. Finally after filling 4 tubes full of blood. They took out the noodle. It always worries me that its going to leave a mark. Like I am some heroin addict. That I will have to cover up for a week my arm. So the needle bruise will not show. Some times they do a good job and no needle marks show.

17

Highway 17 should be closed down. There has to be an easier way to get to Santa Cruz. From San Jose. I go to Santa Cruz to do a comedy show and I hate going on 17. Even though I am not driving it I still hate it. They have to blow up some mountains to make a smoother freeway. I don't know anybody who likes going on that freeway. One time I went the wrong way. And I realized it. because the freeway was to nice. I know. I did not feel and the curves. The 17 freeway has more curves that the playboy mansion. Something has to be done about fixing that freeway. Maybe Schwarzenegger can do something before he leaves office. Or we should not elect someone who does not agree to fix all that crazy freeway.

kirkland

Going to Costco. I noticed that they have their a company that puts out stuff called Kirkland. Is their any stuff that Kirkland does not put out. Kirkland clothes, soap, dishes. thank god. No condoms. That might be the only Kirkland think they do not put out. Why use the name Kirkland? Why not Costco. Why not use the company name. Is their a problem with calling it by the company name. What is Kirkland? I know its a city in Washington state. But exactly what does Kirkland have to do with Costco? Is that where Costco started in Kirkland. Is the company headquarters. Who not just be honest and call it Costco?

raja bell

Raja Bell is one of the players the warriors got during the trade. He is injured for the rest of the season. So the warriors traded for a injured player. They wanted to get rid of Jackson so badly they actually traded for a player that can't play this year. What is wrong with that picture? Trading for players that can't play is not a good idea. Its not any kind of idea. Why would they do it? Because they wanted to ship Jackson. But was it necessary to get a player that can't play. What is the point of that. You need players to get to 21 wins. But now a trade that looked promising now looks stupidly bad. Not just bad. But stupidly bad.

nellie

So Don Nelson does not want to coach the Warriors anymore. But he needs 21 wins to get the most wins mark in a career. So the Warriors should just lose on purpose and make sure they do not get the 21 win mark. That solves everything. Or go on a 21 game winning streak. That way he quits right away. That's the funny thing. Can this team even give him 21 more wins. It could be close. Hella close. So the countdown starts. Each win is like a mark. Each loss will be painful. Everybody knows Nellie and the team don't get along. He has mainly a young team and players nobody else wanted. So here we are. What could be the worst or best story in the NBA this year. wWll Nellie get 21 more wins and break the record? Lets hope not. It would be hella funny if he did not get it. Yes it would.

intro

A lot of people do not like my comedy intro. Where I sound out my last name like a jazz performer. Or more like a beat boxer. I have to say. That is the sound of my last name. A lot of people never got that. Some people refuse to say my last name when introducing me. Which sucks. Because I can't make fun of my last name. And it is fun to make fun of. It is 13 letters long. 13 is a magic number. Friday the 13Th. My brother was born on the 13Th. So in a way its one of my favourite Numbers. It is also the opposite of my life number. Which is 31. I listened to a lot of jazz. Charley Parker. Miles Davis. Coltrane. Hey I loved. But I also have to give big ups to hip hop. That taught me beat boxing techniques. So at the end that is what my intro is. Nothing less or nothing more. just that. My name is Chris skiapapapakakakaksssssssse. Thanks.

2012

When I think of that day in 2012 that the world is suppose to end. I wonder how will that day be? Will we take the day off thinking that's the end? Will we just watch CNN wondering what is the update every second? What will happen? Will their be 24 hour reporting? Will there be a countdown? Will there be a watch that ends on 2012. Its weird they can't even agree what day in 2012 the world is supposed to end. I always had an affection for 2012. Because in Chinese calender the year that the world ends is 5772. Which is my birthday. I was born on may 7, 1972. 5772. Funny huh. I think so. And i still find it funny that 2012. Is a big movie. Because I am not worried about the world ending. If it ends. It ends. No big deal. We all die. I just wonder how are the people reacting to 2012. To that date. What will people be doing on that day. Checking their watches. Their TVs to see the news coverage.

lou dobbs

Lou Dobbs was fired at CNN. He did not quit. The thing was he was doing his job. He is not a newsman. His job is not to bring information as in news. His job was to get people interested in what he says. He is mainly an entertainer. More than a news person. So to say that because he kept talking about the birthers he was not doing his job. Is wrong. He was doing his job. The main problem was that he was on CNN. Not Fox News. If he was on Fox News. What he was talking about would be OK. But because it was CNN. It became a problem. CNN did not want to look like right wing think tank. Like Fox News is. Fox News has no problem looking like that. That is their goal. They are right wing and that is OK. But on CNN. That is not OK. Which is a problem.

birthers

So we have a new word in the news. BIRTHER. What is a birther? A birther is someone who believes Obama was not born in America. That whole birther campaign. Maybe Obama was not born in America. The reality was that he wasn't. Hawaii should not be part of America. It should be its own country. Have its own set of laws. People keep making fun of Alaska saying its really America. Well no one says that about Hawaii. Hawaii is like any other island the Americans claim. But has its own set of laws. So in reality. Obama should not be president. But McCain was not born in America either. He was born in Panama. His dad was serving there in the Army there. So maybe the law is crazy. Could someone from Puerto Rico become president? It is not a state? so why could someone from Hawaii? Statehood? Well Hawaii should go back to its people. Its own government structure.

lion king

I went to see the Lion King musical in New York. I liked it. I thought it was good. But its still not as good as the movie. What I did not like was that it was like puppets more than real acting. Would it have bothered the actors to wear costumes? Instead of having the faces above their own face. That kind of ruined it for me. I know their is a lot of movement. So asking them to move around in a full on lion costume might kind of crazy. But it is Disney. If anybody can do it. They should. I remember the music was better in the movie too. It was more moving. More than lets break out in song. Because it is a musical. And we are charging crazy money for you to be here. But I got to say. It was a good show. I kept wondering if the actors are using hidden boom mics. Or are their voices that strong to be able to be that loud?

peanuts

Who would of dreamed it. a peanut seller in new york city is Chilean. It was funny. As he had a sticker from Chile's greatest soccer team. Colo Colo. And a Chilean flag. That is the weird part of life here in new york we ran into another Chilean. Its like its all planned out. But a fan of Colo Colo is even crazier. But who isn't a fan of Chileans greatest soccer team. Even he is. What a coincidence. we could have picked any peanut vendor in NYC. But we chose him. Its like its all made out. But I think that is the last time we saw him too. So what was the reason we saw him? Even though he is Chilean and we are Chilean. Maybe is the reason. Does their need to be another reason. Life has its reasons. Only life knows why.

honking

I was surprised to find out they give tickets in new york city for honking your horn. How is that possible? Is honking a horn that big of an issue that you have to give tickets? What if the driver in front of you is not paying attention. You have to honk to let them know. Hey wake up. How are you supposed to let them know that? Scream at them. Whistle. Get out and kick their car. I mean if it that big of an issue. Then why sell cars with horns at all. Make a law you have to turn your horn off when in NYC? Maybe have a horn button. But how are we going to let people know hey you just cut me off? Hey your an asshole? Their are so many great uses for horns. How can using one be against the law? Too many weird laws I say.

fishing

I never saw the point in fishing. Not because fishing is wrong. Because it is part of nature's plan. If fish were not meant to be ate. They would taste bad. Well I think it tastes bad. So that's why I never see the point in it. Because I do not want to eat the fish. As a sport. I will give you that. It could be a fun sport. But you are capturing something with a tiny brain. That is not a sport. Outsmarting a tiny brain. Is what we should be doing. Damn it. We are humans are we not? We have big brains. Way bigger than fish. Not all animals have smaller brains than the fish do. But fishes is one brain we out number by a lot. So don't be telling me fishing is a sport. Now if you like to eat fish. Then I say OK. Go fish. That is alright with me. But tell me you do it as a sport. That is totally stupid for me. A hobby. OK. Most fishermen get drunk while they are fishing. So yes. You can say. That equals out the sport more. Since drunks and fishes think alike.

asbury park

From all my years listening to Bruce Springsteen. I never thought he is from the hood. But after going to Asbury Park. I realized he is from the hood. Its not a outright hood. Not like we think of. Like the bad parts of Oakland. That is straight out hood. But it is a hood. Who knew that Bruce was a gangsta rocker. He could have been a rapper. When he talks about his small town. He is really talking about the hood. It was pre crack epidemic. So its not all out hood. It might be more hood now than it was then. But it is hood alright. A new appreciation for the hood rock music Bruce puts out. He had the hood wardrobe in the 80's. Red bandanna. You remember the red bandanna. Yeah maybe he was a blood.,

champs

I got a comment from some kid in the bathroom at the mall. Smiling he asked me if i am an angels fan. I said yes. How could he notice? Was it the fact I have an Angel's cap on? Then he breaks out in New York accent telling me he got posada's autograph. Crazy. I just thought that accent was only in the movies. Do they speak like that. What do you know. It is New Jersey. So I assumed his dad is in the mob. Damn. Wow. the Sopranos really spoke like that. What's next?. It was crazy how the mall was flooded with New York Yankee World Series gear already. Did the trucks arrive at 6am with the loot? They must have had the stuff printed already. I wonder when they start printing it? As soon as the Yankees won a game. When its 2-1? 3-1? Before the season started. When exactly is it time to print. When they bought the world series in the off season?

parade

Being here in Jersey. I am close to the World Series. Which is upsetting since the Angels did not make it. But they would not have played in New York anyway. But the last thing I want to see is a Yankee parade. The Yankees were not even in the playoffs last year. Now they are World Series champs. Well not yet. Hopefully it will not happen. But I am in Jersey. At the airport I walked around with a Angels cap. I swear I was getting bad looks. Hey ts not a big deal. It is for them. What would have happened if they did beat the Yankees? More dirty looks. Maybe get my ass kicked? Well that is for next time. I have not actually stepped in NYC. I will soon. I will miss the victory parade for sure. And why not? I hope it rains on their parade.

jersey

New jersey has a liquor law which i like. You can only buy liquor at a liquor store. Not at a supermarket or pharmacy. I think its great. Too many times you can get away with buying some liquor at the pharmacy. Kind of sneaking it in. So you don't feel like a drinker. Or you could be doing your food shopping when suddenly. Maybe get a 12 pack with the food. Not here. Here you have to be a man about buying liquor. You have to go into the drunk store and get your medicine. Like buying street drugs. Like marijuana you have to go to a pot club. Well this is the same. It is a drinking club. You have to feel the shame of walking through doors of the Establishment. Even for beers you have to park and get out with all the other drinkers. Hope no one sees you at work. I know its shame full. But you should feel the shame. Feel it. You need to.

open mic

Here in the small Jersey Shore town I am staying at. There is a Mexian restaurant that has an open mic on Tuesdays from 7-9pm. Well yeah it has to be a music open mic. But that is not what it says. It says open mic. So just my luck. Here I am at the surf taco and I see the sign. This is a nice small town. Like those you remember from Leave it to Beaver. Exactly how is small town in Jersey managed to stay that way is beyond me. But what the hell. It is an open mic. And I do love a mic that is open to my wild comedy stylings. Listen kids. Its surf taco. No Mexicans anywhere near their. So who can I get as my fan base here in the lovely Jersey shore. Oh please no Springsteen or Bon Jovi cover songs. I know where I am at. I can see where the small town music comes from. From Springsteen. Look around. This is not big city son.

flight

I still feel cheated every time I fly and do not get some food. Got on the plane to JFK at 630 am. And no breakfast. They require me to bring my own food. Not counting the pretzels, peanuts and cookies of course. What cheap bastards. We even thought about changing our flight to first class. But then they said no. Your tickets are to cheap to switch to first for 150$. Thanks a lot. I felt I got delt a bad hand. I guess the days of getting food at the plane are over and less you fly international. I hope they at least feed you in first class. I would not be surprised if they do not feed you even then. Because how cheap they are. Airline scum. Why stay in business if you can't even afford the food?

hallohottie

Halloween has never been my favourite holiday. But I do have to say I like that the women decide to go all out on Halloween. What is sexier than seeing some hottie dressed up as a Disney character. What kind of hot role play action is that? I bet Disney makes a fortune selling Halloween costumes to hottiies and wanna be hotties for Halloween. What says better than skank than make Cinderella look like a whore. Snow White was a whore 7 dwarfs. They could eat her out without getting on their hands and knees. 7 of them. You never see a Snow White with seven dwarfs. Men do not fantasize about being a dwarf? Do they. And then have to find seven. Maybe she can convince her boyfriend to be dwarf. But what bout his friends? How deep is that friendship? Don't think so. Maybe 7 female dwarfs like bridesmaids?

halloween

I just had some kids come to my house for trick or treating. They were young kids. So I was wondering why they are trick or treating on the 30Th a Friday. Its genius. No one is expecting it. Some people like me did not have any candy at all. So yeah in my case they messed up. I just told them no candy. I wish had candy for them. I felt very bad for them. I wanted to cry. But now I keep asking the question why go out the night before Halloween. For church reasons. Maybe no candy eating on Saturday is that a rule is some religion. No going out on Saturday. Its church I don't why? But I know they have good reason.

gym

My gym is so broke that they make you check yourself in. That's broke. If you can't even afford to pay someone to stand in front of the counter and check people in. Why even pay. I can just walk in scan my not working pass and go for free. It only cost 14 dollars a month to join. So I pay. But their is no gym instructor. Their is no pool. No gym workers. It seems like a nice place. Not that I am complaining. I never liked having to check in. Their is something about somebody smiling and saying have a good day when you just worked out. I rather they just tell me to get the fuck out here. That would be more entertaining for me and them. Its not fun. I would wait until someone was checking in. To walk out. That way I would not have do the fake goodbye to the front desk chicky baby.

bay bridge

So the Bay Bridge went down during the windy days. Well that is unacceptable. Where does my 4 dollars for crossing the bridge go. Shouldn't that buy me safety? We pay for good service. We pay for protection. And this is what we get. Danger. I didn't mind paying 4 dollars because I thought it went to keeping us safe? Now I wonder where the money goes. It didn't go to the right places did it? It didn't go to getting real good parts? Did it. It didn't go to working things right. It went to what? Politicians money campaign? I think we need an explanation of where all this money is going. We need an explanation what went wrong.

mcguire

So Mark is coming back to be a hitting coach for St. Louis. Why not? He was a great hitter. Even including all the steroid use. But really isn't this a racial issue. isn't the fact that mark is Caucasian lets this happen. Barry bonds would never become a hitting coach, Jose Canseco would never become a hitting coach. But mark being white gets a second chance. Its rare that the batting coach's come from the 500 hr club. Even though they are considered great hitters. Mark would never be as good as Barry was. Barry was a real hitter. Mark was just a bomber. So mark can teach you how to hit home runs but what about doubles. Singles. Hitting all sides of the field? Now he gets a shot to show he changed. No body else will get that chance. That is the trouble with it. Tony La Russa always stood up for Mark. even defended him. Now he is bringing him back. You scratch my back. I scratch yours. And since he is white its acceptable.

don rickles

Today I saw the master at work. Near Fresno. i always wanted to watch him live. and i got my chnace near Fresno. At the Table Mountain Casino. I always find it fascinating how he can say all those things and get away with it. As insult comics go. He is the best. He even sing songs. Who knew Don Rickles could sing. And he does. Funny how quick witted he is. The crowd was packed and ready for him. When he hit the stage. Sad how more comedians did not take the opportunity to see it in action. Because he is one of a kind. And one of his generation. But the best part is he gave us a whole show. With a backing band. The kind you never see anymore in the comedy world. Almost none of the comedians hit the stage with their own theme song. When you see him come out with bull dancing song. You know it. Then he is singing in Spanish always a treat.

fans

Yeah I started a fan page on Facebook. The cool thing about the page is I can ask people over and over to join. I did not see it as a problem because I sign up for fan pages without thinking about it. I thought everybody did. But I was wrong. Some people do not sign up for fan pages unless they are really fans. Or maybe not any at all. So I guess I upset some people by asking over and over. Not that I was trying to bother. I just wanted them to sign up. But some people refused to sign up. Because they think their opinion matters. I have another fan page. For our web series hanging out. But that one I can only ask people to sign up once. So I did not get in trouble. Just sign up. Its not a big deal. I had people sign up. And they did get not spammed by my request. But if you get bothered just sign up. Its a numbers game. That is all it is. If you spend your day saying no to my fan page. You must be as bored as I am. I only ask people that are my facebook friends. Some people even canceled their facebook friendship over it. Don't let the tears hit the keyboard.

dreams

You know a game is important if it gets inside your dreams. I dreamed that the Angels won today. What a dream. I have been dreaming a lot lately. They say you don't dream if you smoke a lot of marijuana. Well I cut down. Now I dream. Good dreams. Bad dreams. I had a dream I was in a war zone. Trying to survive. That is always not a fun dream. Usually people I know get in my dreams. I wonder if they are having the same dream at the same time. I like to dream. But sometimes i wake up sad. Because I like the dream I was having. I wanted it to be real. Other times I am happy it was just a dream. So the dreams are back. And back with a mission. To send Chris messages. I wonder why you don't dream if you smoke marijuana. I guess. Its god's way of saying you don't need it.

watch

The Angels comeback win was one for the ages. It reminds of game 5 ALCS in 1986. When the Red Sox came back and won against the Angels. I know what the Yankee fans are feeling. Fear. Fear that this team is going to fold on them. Like they did when the red sox came back being down 0-3. But this is different. The angels now have to go into the new Yankee stadium and won 2. They can do it. Their something about this team. Will they come back I hope so. It would be nice. Because I am going to New Jersey in November. So I will be just one and half hours from Philly. So I will be trying to go. The Phillie's did their part. Now its the Angels turn. Funny I was not even watching. I was getting updates by text message. At one point their were down 6-4. I thought it was over. But its never till its over. And its not over yet. Hopefully it will end in game 7 for the angels.

milk

I watched the movie MILK. I wondered why they have straight actors play gay characters. As much as Sean Penn is a good actor. He is still not gay. Its like having a white actor don black face. We would not like it or accept it. So why is OK with sexuality? Their is still a lot of gay actors in the closet. So it would help them out if we at least gave gay actors gay roles. But we don't. In fact gay actors get mostly straight acting roles. Even though they know as much as being straight. As a straight person knows about being gay. So why do we keep doing it. most of the movie was played by straight actors. Even though most of the characters were gay. I am not saying it was not well acted. It was. It was a good movie. But that question is still in the air. Is it easier for people to see a movie about gay people played by straight actors? At least it was filmed in San Francisco.

fox news

I think its funny that liberals complain about Fox News. They hate it. Why can't they just leave Fox News alone. Just except it. The right wing has their own news network. So what. Its a free country. Its a way to put out right wing information. Its OK. They get their side of the pie. The liberals get their side of the pie. Whats the problem? I don't get it. The more they complain. The more people watch. That's how it is. They want to complain until Fox News goes off the air. Really. Good luck. You know that will never happen. And if it does. Welcome to Communism. Because that is what Communism is. Just one side one opinion. We don't do that here. We let everybody have a side. An opinion. That's what free speech is all about. Or do they forget about that. When it benefits them. Its all good. I try and watch no news at all. Kiss my ass.

flood

Where were you when San Francisco flooded. I was there. Coming back from traffic court. Some of the streets were flooded. How is that possible? Does it not rain ever. How can a city like San Francisco have streets that flood when it rains. A freeway exit was flooded. Somehow they need to build holes to get the water out. Because if their is no holes. The water stays in. That's how it works kids. A glass with one hole on top keeps the water in. Make a hole in the bottom of the glass. The water gets out. Holes are a rainy cities best friend. That's what needs to be done. Holes Are everything to floods. Or trucks that take in water. Like the ones that cleared out New Orleans after that bitch Katrina.

glass

I was ta the mall. They had an exhibition of glass pumpkins. It is Halloween season after all. I was in the elevator with this couple who had a kid. The wife said I don't those those pumpkins. They are just a bunch of clutter. Clutter. When did art turn into clutter? Someone spent time making those one by one. Not machine made. Just to be called clutter. By some art hater. Have gotten to the point that art is just clutter? Clutter is junk. Art is not junk. And from the prices of those pumpkins its expensive clutter. Enough of this art hatred. Just because you are not art inclined. Gives you no right to criticize it. Its not like a criticize the economy. OK. well i do. But I don't criticize things I don't understand. Well that is not true. So criticize on my sister of criticism.

black taco

Taco bell came out with a black taco. I know it sounds like bad joke. A black taco. I thought black tacos were tacos that were burned. But no they have black taco. And no I have not tried. So I have no right to criticize. Right? Wrong. I can criticize and i will. But really this is a move trying to get more creative. More people into buying something out sheer wtf volume. And it is. I don't know if any other restaurant serves a black taco. So i don't know how they got the idea. But this idea I will tell you can make or break someones career. And i don't even know if it is or not going to be successful. It could be. But just the thought of a black taco sounds like a bad idea. Not many foods black in color are considered tasty. In fact iIcan't think of one right now. But I will say it is not raciest. You see we associate black colored food. To burned food. So of course we don't want to a black taco. Because how do we know its not burned. It could be very tasty. And just by its name "the black jack taco". iIbet its very spicy.

bud light speaker

What new crazy invention can we think of now. Oh yeah. the bud light speaker box. Its a 24 pack of beer that comes with a speaker. That you connect your I pod or cell phone to it. So you can hear music while getting drunk. Nice. What is next the bud light that comes with a condom. The bud light that drives the car for you after you get drunk? The bud light that tells you to keep drinking. The bud light that cheers you on during beer pong. A bud light box that turns into a bed to have sex. Way out. And I am not saying it is bad idea. It is a good idea. The job is to sell beer. Especially to people who buy 24 packs. I don't know how many 24 packs get sold during a day. But now they will be looking for the bud light box with the speaker. Why buy that? Just connect the I pod to the laptop instead. Sounds like an idea that could do really well. Ha ha.

helmets

It has surprised me how shiny the football helmets have become. In a sport that the football helmet gets hit a lot. The helmets never have any chips in them. Its like they paint them every week? But how is that possible. You have to measure to make sure you get the stickers on right. It seems like it is a full time job. For somebody keeping the helmets looking nice. Some of the helmets look like they were painted using hot rod type paint. You know hot rod paint. Its the paint used to paint hot rod cars. Just a tad bit too shiny. You never see new cars looking that shiny. Its like they use special paint that does not chip. Maybe its not even paint. Maybe its a sticker type substance. In Notre Dame they paint the helmets with real gold dust. But their helmets are easy to take care of. Because they have no stickers. So its easy just to paint them every week.

bridge

I was on my way to the bay bridge when the 3 lanes were closed. It was disappointing. I was on my way to pick up a friend. And i could not get there. Funny the Safeway truck crashed in the new S curve. Also funny to find out they have had over 30 crashes on the S curve. Please an S curve? What is superman mayor? Why an S curve? Does it light up every time crime is taking place. So superman comes out of hiding spot. In the Oakland Hills? Why make an S curve? S curves just sound dangerous. What kind of architect would think that is a good idea? Its an S curve on a bridge that people are going 50 mph. And then have to slow down to 40 mph. On an S curve. Why not a z curve or would that be too much? How about y turn . What? At least superman should have kept the Safeway truck from turning over.

freeway

I am tired of waiting to enter the freeway. Waiting on those stupid stop lights to enter the freeway. What is the point in making us enter the freeway one by one? We know how to enter the freeway. Without crashing into each other. We don't need the light telling us it is ok to enter. We can either all enter the freeway or not. We don't need some light telling us its OK to enter. Why do we have to wait for the light. In some places the freeway runs fine. But their is a big back up with the light. Whats the point of creating that backup in the first place? Its about making the commute worst. Because that is all it really does. Is makes the things worst. So we should just eliminate the stop lights at the freeway entrance before it drives us crazy. Trying to enter the freeway. Or just makes is wait in that stupid light to enter.

mighty

What happened to the mighty storm. The storm of all storms. Where is all the flooding. I have to say. That's why weathermen suck. Because they check their computers. Make all these calculations. But they never say I fucked up. When its hot. They always talk about when it is getting cooler. When its cold they always talk about when its warming up. Its all as bad as the people that sell predictions on sporting events. All those people who sandbagged just for nothing. Some of them barley had strength to sandbag. Maybe screwed up their backs. Just to sandbag. Because they were afraid of having their house flooded. Are they happy. Yes and no. Yes because their house did not get flooded. And no because they spent all that effort putting up the sandbags. Then their wife is going to start nagging. The sandbags look ugly. Remove them. But rain season just started. I don't care put them back when it rains. But it looks ugly. I want the house to look beautiful. So you remove them. Because you love your wife.

rain

Rain is here. But why scare us. Like saying you need ten sand bags for flooding. Or saying this storm caused a tsunami in the Philippines. Yes I am scared. To the point. To what point? I made no plans for Tuesday. Thinking the hurricane. Oh no hurricane name yet. So it can't be that bad. Is it tornado status? Tornado's don't get named. I am scared. Sitting here on my second floor. Yes second floor. That means no flooding for us. It would take hurricane Katrina to flood the 2nd floor. But I watch the news I got scared. What are you doing Tuesday? NOTHING. The worst storm ever is coming. Its not that bad. But its just the beginning. It is going for at least a whole day. We might lose the electricity. I am ready. Got my cell phone all charged up. My lap top all charged up. Hopefully the wireless won't go out. So I can read about how bad the storm is without electricity.

world cup

So its official. The USA qualifies for the World Cup in a game that is not broadcast anywhere in America. How is that possible. I know Saturday. College football. And MLB playoffs. And the NHL is going on. And the NBA preseason. But still this the national team. Can we become anymore un-nationalistic. Sports matter. Especially if it is the national team. This is important. No one watched it. No one cares. By they were scared of sending a TV crew into Honduras? Maybe. I doubt it. The other sports can not be more important than this. This is international credibility. Obama should have personally made sure this game is on national TV. They took back the Noble Peace Prize. Because they were so ashamed Obama let this happen. I know some colleges playing football can not compare to the national team. Forgot golf. This is important. How do you think the people of Honduras feel now. They are so not important. They did not even bring a film crew to film it. Sadness. i feel. Shame.

early

Its early morning. I know it. Time to get up to watch the Angels vs.. Red Sox game. How early? 9 am early. How did MLB get the brilliant idea of putting the Angels vs. Red Sox to start at noon eastern 9 am pacific. The Angels have to fly across the country. Then wake up at maybe 5 am their time. To get ready for this game. This is crazy. What kind of schedule makers made this brillant move. They decided the Angels vs. Red Sox should start early. Because no one is watching. Well this is a big time series. Make them play the game half asleep. Why not give the Red Sox some advantage. Nice. They could have easily put this game later. Especially since the odds. Of one the national league series's would be over in 3. They knew this game would be played. It is game 3. But now the Angels will have to drink their Red Bulls to wake up for this game. Maybe they will have trouble sleeping knowing whats at stake? So make sure they have trouble. I hope no player falls asleep during batting practice.

racecar

One of my neighbors has a race car in the parking garage. It is covered up now. But I saw it one time. They actually have a sponsor. Which is kind of funny. In a ironic kind of way. But he is Hispanic. Maybe Mexican I don't know. But his sponsor. I don't know if he is sponsored. I just see the paint job on the race car. It is home depot. Being Latino driving in a home depot car. That is funny. Not saying that Home Depot is not a good store. It is. Kind of dusty. I live near a Home Depot. And no they are no people in front of it waiting for work. But its like an African American racing in a KFC car. Its just funny. Or somebody who is Chinese racing in Panda Express car. Its just funny. Not that it would work or even happen. Why not is a better question? Its about stereotypes. A Japanese racing in a Kodak car. You know because they like to take a lot of pictures. Chinese race car drivers are scary. Because Chinese drive bad. An Irish racing in a mickeys beer car. An Italian sponsored by a pasta company.

video

I got something so I can record video on my phone for longer than 30 seconds. Why do I need something longer than 30 seconds. That's how long I last during sex. Ha ha. Not true. But it is hard to record a stand up video video for only 30 seconds. Because you never know when the best 30 seconds are. Some people are only funny for 30 seconds. But not Chris . Chris is funny for more than 3o seconds. So Chris found a way to record for longer than 3o seconds. So Chris bought this thing with 2 megabytes. I hope it is megabytes. I don't know. Well I recorded my show last night and I went 13 minutes. 13 is my favorite number. Maybe so? It is my favorite joke though. So now I have the problem. That I want to show my videos. So I can showoff. But I don't have Internet on my phone. So now I have to get Internet to download the videos from my phone. Live from the phone its Chris Schiappacasse. And what sweeter words are than those words? Huh? And if you don't agree. I don't think so. Buddy. And if you do. Disagree watch my videos. they will change your mind. The ones I will soon be downloading from my phone.

gas

I hate it when I am pumping gas. That it takes forever for it pump. I hate that if you pay with cash. You get punished. The last 5o cents of any gas pumping takes about an hour to pump. It slows down to a crawl. I don't understand it? Why does it take forever to pump? Is it supposed annoy us to the point we pump with ATM cards. Because then their is no five hour crawl. I am late. I am pumping gas. And I am sitting here watching the cents move hella slow. What is up with that. I don't understand the point. Is that it the computer does not want to give you a cent free? That's just crazy. The computers aRe that bad that they have to slow down to pump the last 50 cents. Some of the gas pumps are very slow? Who decides at what pace the gas goes. Whta's the point of making it so slow? Nobody wants to pump gas there? Because it takes hours for all the gas to pump?

motorcycles

I understand special disability parking. But what I don't understand is special motorcycle parking at the mall. I went to the mall. Looked for parking. When I saw a special row next to disability parking. Reserved for motorcycles. When did motorcycles become a special parking privilege? Motorcycles should be made to park in the back of the garage. Because they are crazy to ride. They are very dangerous. So instead of giving another reason to ride them. We should punish them. Not let them park in the front of regular car parkers. So why all the special treatment? Motorcycles are not a protected right? They are not a group of people we should make sure find a way to park. They are bad for the economy. It is cheap to ride a motorcycle. The gas is cheap. When you go to the mall. The most consumers on a motorcycle is 2. Which compared to a car. Could be 5. So at the end. Its all bad.

romantic films

You can make romance film out of anything. Just put two good looking people together. One is a crackhead. The other a cop. One is a pimp. The other senator. It is endless. One is a lonely bagger. The other a homeless car washer. Romance films are just too easy. I saw one last night called Gigantic. Some 28 year old male wants to adapt a Chinese baby. He falls for rich spoiled daddy's girl. He gets baby. She freaks out. And we wonder why? Because he wants to adapt a Chinese baby. I understand why she freaks out. I have seen a lot of crazy art films. But that one is original. And it is hard to be original in today's market place. Romance films got to be some of the easiest films to make. She is a tobacco farm worker. He is a MLB pitcher wondering why his chewing tobacco changed flavours. So he makes a trip to the tobacco fields in North Carolina. Where she is lonely immigrant. Who barely speaks English. He finds her and asks her about the tobacco. She can't answer him. He decides to learn Spanish from his Cuban defecter pitching teammate. Then they fall in love.

zombieland

I usually do not go for zombie films. But I have to say there was something I wanted to watch about this film. Let me just begin that I am big fan of Woody Harrelson. Not just from his acting. I just respect the man. Especially since he moved to Costa Rica. That is one of my dreams. To live my life out in Costa Rica. But zombie films bore me. Why you ask? Well zombies are just stupid I think. I don't know where they came from? Who invented them. What writer first came up with the idea. And I don't want to know. I think zombie scares are just dumb. I don't believe the zombie menace is real. A problem is that I did not know the zombie rules. What is a zombie? How do humans become zombies? Well that was explained. Get bit by a zombie become a zombie. I think the worst part of watching Zombieland. Is sitting through all the future zombie film release or the films which zombie fans might be interested in in the previews. Thankfully I will not be watching anymore zombie films. even twilight. Zombieland is a good ass film. The whole buddy film takes on zombies. And the thought. What if the country did turn out like Zombieland. Iust a bunch of dead cars lieing around the freeway. But i got to say Zombieland is a good film because it gets the woman loving the romance part. Nerd falls for hot thief who makes sure her younger sister is save. Who watches that sad crap. Yeah me.

rio

I am happy Rio got the Olympics. Really is kind of raciest that no South American country the Olympics. But maybe not. I understand the money aspect of hosting an Olympics. All the buildings you need and the villages. Its a lot easier for countries to host world cups. just because they already have the futbol stadiums built. Even though the stadiums there have nothing to do with the stadiums here and in Europe. In Brazil they have the worlds biggest stadium. Which seats 500,000. But still they do not continually build new stadiums like they do here. Most of their stadiums only have seats in the good sections. The season ticket sections. Not the we are here to kick some other teams ass section. So it is different. There people outside asking for money to get into the games in latin america. You rarely never see that here unless you are at Laker games.

olympics

So Obama went to Copenhagen and tried to get Chicago the Olympics. He brought his wife and Oprah. Well Oprah brought herself. But Oprah? As far as I know. And I don't know I don't think Oprah is known all over the world or even outside of North America. Maybe England. I do not know if her show is on there or even Canada for that matter. But instead of this being us against them mentality. Chicago is not a city known for its niceness. First of all outside of Michael Jordon. No other Chicago athletes are know world wide. Cubs and White Sox. Cubs especially who cares. I don't. I am sure no fans from other countries are developing a love for the Cubbies. Well WGN is big. I do not if WGN is world wide. The bears. Football is an after thought in other countries. But what is Chicago famous for? The mob? The mob huh. Yes the mob. And we all know the cities history with the mob. So when people ask why not Chicago. I say Chicago. Hey. next lets try and get the Olympics in Compton, Watts, Oakland or the Bronx. It also does not help that the mayor is the son a famous corrupt Chicago mayor. That the former Illinois Governor is going on trial for corruption. Obama does not pull a lot of weight international yet. His presence alone does not get a win. Just ask the health care gurus.

spell checker

Who is in charge of the spell checker? Who decides who is in charge of which words get put into the spell checker. Sox was not in the spell checker. Sox. Two teams use the word sox. Obama got put in the spell checker. But exactly when does that happen? Is Cheney in the spell checker(YES}. Is every senator in the spell checker. or just the the famous ones. who about Pelosi?(NO) Gavin Newsom? (NO) Which ones. The spell checker seems to be great. But back in the old days. You had to know how to spell. The secretaries had to be good spellers. Now the secretaries just need to use spell checkers. Now if you spell a word badly in your school work. The teacher just thinks you are lazy. Back in the old days you had to look up the words you did not know. So what is worst. Spelling the words badly now or then. That is the question. Only the spell checker can answer.

mad men

I was watching Mad Men for the first time. I was struck that most of the characters had black nanny's. The people at the job are basically all the same. This is the way America used to be. But coming from a day that we have a African-American president. How can a show that shows life in the early 60's not include what is known as a racially biased show. Maybe that is the success of the show. It makes people dream of an age that is gone. A dream. Where men slept with the young women in the office. Its funny that they made sure they showed a single woman who is doing well in the workforce. With her own office and secretary. But why not put minorities in too. Minorities in positions of power. It is amc. So maybe that's what it was like. But when I first saw the show I thought it was the 50's. To find out the show takes place in 60's. Well we know what that age was like don't we. I was not around then. So maybe I do not know. I just fell uncomfortable watching that type of show. Where do I fit in? Would I be a gardener. The custodian. The milkman? Maybe the pool boy. Maybe not the pool boy.

red sox

Yes the Angels won the division. But again they go up against the Red Sox. why the Red Sox again? Well the Yankees should get the Red Sox. But they don't. Because they try to switch up teams from the same division in the first round. So instead of that great Yankees Red Sox battle to finish. The Angels get the Red Sox. Not say I am not excited. But I can say I have been at the Angels Red Sox playoff games. So I know that feeling. That losing feeling. I felt it. I don't want to feel it again. At least its going to be Anaheim the first 2 games. So here we go again. As famous as the Red Sox are. shouldn't the word sox be in spell checker? All the sox are lit up yellow. It is a not bad spelled word.

celebrate

I was watching ESPN. When they were showing the Angels celebrating the division championship. They were throwing beer on the a jersey. I thought. that is strange. Isn't that the player that got killed by a drunk driver. And now they are pouring beer on his jersey. It is kind of shocking. When I first saw it. I had to go back. To watch it again. Because I could not believe what I was seeing. But then. I thought that is there tradition. The last thing they wanted to do was disrespect their team member, So I was OK what they did. They wanted to keep him as a part of the team. So if they were all spraying each with beer. Its OK. That they sprayed his jersey with it too. People might have a problem with it. And I understand that too.

favre

I knew he was going to do it. The problem he would never stop trying. You give him one play and he could do it. Its just one of those things. He never quits. Its one of those things. You can't give him another shot. I remember when Montana did that too. Montana did it a bunch of times too. So I knew it could happen. Because the players believed it too. That's why. It could happen. And it did. Maybe that's why he came back. Because where else in his life can he make that kind of moment happen? Where else can he exhibit that kind of play. That throw. That catch. Maybe that is a moment that happens in sports. We all need that kind of stubbornness in our lives. You give me some time. I will make it happen. That's what he did. I am not really upset either. Because its just nature. And really and until you have seen it happen. You really don't understand.

halloween

I want to meet the genius who first got the idea of opening the Halloween stores? What a bright idea. Just look for store spaces that are not being used. Because a store went bankrupt. Then open a Halloween store just for the month of October. Its always a dream site seeing that first Halloween store advertisement come in September. You know fall is around the corner. The Halloween stores are becoming so profitable. They are using bigger and bigger buildings. Where does all the Halloween stuff go at the end of Halloween? Is it in the same warehouse that has the 4Th of July fireworks? I bet when the first Halloween superstores opened up. You thought wtf? But now its a tradition. They are everywhere. Kids are growing up in those stores. The kids will have memories of their trips to the stores. Then they will bring their kids. I have to say I like the stores. I don't get costumes. But I do like to go in and see what kind of sunglasses they got going. In fact I already tried to go in. But they are not open yet. A couple of years ago. I used to laugh at the stores. But now they are tradition. Sweet.

ac

Is it not fall? Why is my AC still running at full blast? Is it global warming that is making the AC run? Because it is still hitting high 80's here. When we were told it was fall. The Halloween stores are starting to open. And we are still hitting high 80's. Summer was fun. But its too dam hot here. Especially since its football season. Football season means cooler temperatures. Not anymore. Football season means cooler temperatures might come soon. But not yet. Whats going to happen to all the business that depend on colder weathers. like tanning salons? who needs a tanning salon. when you can just lay out and get tan. Spray on tan. Who needs that when you can just walk outside and get tan. Whats going on here? They said San Francisco was supposed to hit 100 degrees this past week. Well of course that did not happen. Because that would take a miracle. Wouldn't. But i wouldn't be surprised that in this weather climate. It actually happens.

parking

I don't like the fact that when you get a room at a hotel. You have to pay extra for parking. Why is the parking extra. Its part of the hotel. If you stayed at the motel 6 you would not have to pay for parking. But because you are at an expensive hotel it is extra? It costs us 25 dollars to park at a hotel where we were staying. Where are the hotel patrons suppose to park for free? it seems like just another way to screw the paying customer. They do not tell you that when you sign up. do they? you stay at their hotel. So what are they going to charge for next? Using their bathrooms? their gyms. It would extra to have a maid clean up if you stay more than one day? It seems like its is just a way to make more money.

nba

I bought a couple of shorts that say NBA. Their NBA shorts. But I thought since they said NBA. They were cool to wear. Because I got the shorts at Wal mart. But if they say Wal mart. I would have bought them. Someone asked me what team the shorts are from. I said hawks. Because they are black and red. But in reality I don't know if they belong to any team. But its the question if something bought at Wal mart is cool to wear. Because people hate Wal mart.Tthey say Wal mart is evil. They do not allow unions. Do not want to pay health insurance. Their pay is low. I feel bad for the workers. But what am I suppose to do about it? Not shop there. I shop there for the same reason other people shop there. It is cheap. We are a recession. So of course we are heading to Wal mart. Where should we shop? Where we can't afford it. I don't think Wal mart is the problem here. Its the other stores. The ones that over charge people. Because they all have their clothes made for the same price. They just overcharge.

magic number

Is that time again. When people look for the magic number. What is the magic number? Its the teams need to get to clinch the division. The magic number for the angels now is 5. The number lowers every time the angels win or the rangers lose. Its nerve racking. because its score board watching. 5 doesn't seem like a bad number but every day that number doesn't lower. It is depressing. It makes me nervous. I know they are going to win the division. I just wish they would do it sooner. And not make us wait. Soon the playoffs start and that's a new nervousness.

egg

When I was in high school. In my my Home Ec. class. They gave us some eggs to take for a week. They marked them. So we could not just get any egg and trade it in. Being the bad father that I am. I left my egg in my locker all week long. I only took it out for Home Ec. class. I had some fun with the assignment. I would gently move other people's desk with my feet trying to knock down their eggs. I know I am funny. Well I never did break anybodies egg. But my own. I guess my egg sitting in my cold locker all night. Was just too much for the poor egg. All that time alone. Without his daddy broke my egg's heart. Suddenly in the middle of Home Ec. class. My egg just cracked wide open. It hurt me so much I just left the class. I could not even clean up my egg. I just left it there. Finally I cleaned it up. But the experience of bad fatherhood. Has followed me all the way today. No kids. And now you know why. I have not been able to look at an egg. Since that day. I can't eat eggs. When someone eats an egg in front of me. I cry.

tree

A couple of years we bought this a little pine tree. A Christmas tree. It was small. We had it in the living room. But it was dieing there. Drying up. It was sad. Of course it was kind of my fault. I never remembered to give it water. Why can't it get its own water I thought? OK no I did not think that. But funny I never did remember. It was upsetting. This is our future Christmas tree. What's going to happen if it dies? No more Christmas. Maybe it would be karma. Christmas should be gone for us forever. Because we could not keep this baby tree alive. All I needed was to keep this baby tree alive and we would have a Christmas tree forever. We could plant it. It would be the family Christmas tree. When we would all gather around for Christmas 50 years from now. They would ask the story about that tree. That tree has been in the family for 50 years. It was started in the family room. Well it looked grim. The tree was dieing. Sadly. But no. We would not give up on the tree. We put it outside. Where sunshine is everywhere. And we watered it. I am happy to report the tree made a comeback. Yes it is a strong tree. No I do not know if it is ready to take over the duties of Christmas tree. But soon it will.

trades

So you bought a jersey from your favorite team. Not the cheap imitation. Not the cheap knockoff sold outside the stadium. But the real one. It was not cheap. But it is your favorite team. And you chose wisely. Because it is a jersey you will wear for years. Since the player is a future all-star. What? That future all-star got traded by your favorite team. You can't show up to the game wearing that jersey. He is not one of the family anymore. He got blacksheeped out. And you do want to join him by wearing the jersey. Bad memories. I know. What are you going to do? I know. If you had gone with a legendary player. You would have been alright. But you did not. So what can you do? Well the team should exchange the jersey free of charge. Or at least change the name and number of the jersey free of charge. Its not your fault he was traded. You are just being a good fan. A loving fan. And what kind of love does the team showing return? Nothing you are stuck with with this worthless jersey. And they expect you to buy a jersey of the player he was traded for. The jersey is not even a year old. They should make the jerseys with Velcro so you can switch the names and numbers. Because you never know what your favourite player ends up doing? Missing the game 7 winning shot? Giving up a 9Th inning game 7 world series home run? Fumbling at the 1 yard line in the super bowl. In the last minute. Going for the winning touch down. Kills his ex wife and her lover. Gives up the game 7 winning shot in the Stanley cup. Calls a time out in the NCAA final that your team does not have. Pukes in the game winning drive in the super bowl and the team loses.

karaoke

There certain songs you should not do karaoke on. But that is what is so fun about karaoke. That it lets you find out how hard the songs from your favourite bands are. The song that I found extremely difficult to sing is. Scorpions : Still loving you. If you hear it on YouTube you would not think it was that difficult. But I did not have the ability to keep the song going for a couple minutes without stopping. On top of that you have to have your voice move inside your lungs and spit it out for a while. I was very impressed with it. At one point trying to keep my voice going from one range to another I started to puke. It was not fun. But it made me appreciate the song. It me made appreciate the the vocal range of Klaus Meine. That is not the only song that I had problems with. The Doors: Crystal Ship. Another songthat is guided mostly by voice. That one was hella embarrassing when I was singing it. I had trouble keeping the song moving without taking breaks on it.

pregnant

Don't be that pregnant woman at the club. God sent you a message he got you pregnant. You have the gift of life. God sent you another message. Stay out of the nightclubs. At least until the baby pops out. Not to say the gift of life is not beautiful. Because it is. But you already found that dream guy to make that baby. So don't be at the club. Even though your glow is sexy. Let the club be for women who are still looking for that dream guy to make babies together. You and your dream guy should be at home watching TV. Nude together while he rubs your belly with coco butter. Making plans. To make the life of your baby wonderful. Not to say you can't return to the club. Once your baby is born. And your mother is willing to baby sit. As long as you and the dream guy are not together of course. Because if you are still together. Then you should be making baby number two. Not be at the club and stopping other women who are looking for their dream guy form making a connection. Unless your dream guy number one. turned out to be false.

icp

I wear ICP t shirts. ICP is a musical group called Insane Clown Posse. They were big back in 1990's. On Sunday I was wearing an ICP t shirt. I was at a liquor store. Somebody came up to me to and said ICP. I forgot I was wearing an ICP t shirt. In fact I forgot who ICP was. I thought he was talking about a gang. Since I was wearing shorts with long blue lines. This guy is asking me if i am in a gang. C being short for Crips. As you can guess now. I was in the ghetto. Well then he says I opened for ICP twice. Then I remembered that I was wearing an Insane Clown Posse t shirt. Shit. how stupid am I. So I was thinking I get a lot of shit for wearing ICP t shirts. But that was the first time that someone praised one of my ICP t shirts. Since I have 3 of them. The truth is I never really listened to ICP. But I am a big fan. I have seen interviews and concert videos. They are funny as hell. But that is not the point is it?

mtv

Even though I do not condone what Kayne did. I can see why he was pissed. I grew up on MTV. I was there from the beginning. I remember when MTV was cool. Not some tool in a corprate juggernaut that is Viacom. What happened to MTV? When did MTV start giving awards to barbie doll teenage country singers? Who even votes on the MTV video awards? I was trying to google to figure it out. But I got no information. Even in the press release I can't find out who officially nominates for the awards. Is it former winners? Is it executives at Viacom? Who does it? Really it just seems like another corporate game. They choose the nominees and the winners. Is that really fair? And we watch what they figure out to be the winners. Can the MTV video awards even be taking seriously at all? Its seems like a joke to me. No wonder Kayne was pissed. Viacom trying to push some barbie doll up there as a winner as best female video. And we have to accept it? Because we are some kind of mindless sheep. I don't even watch MTV anymore. When I was a kid. I had a TV in my room. It had no remote control. It was pre-remote control. So I had it on one channel MTV. Now I can't even remember the last time I actually watched it.

16

Today being the 16 of September. Its Mexican independence day. Its like the 4Th of July here in America. I know its the 16Th. But its sad that most people here don't know. I was in a Mexican restaurant earlier tonight. They were watching TV with a countdown clock. Till midnight. at midnight the celebration begins. its totally different when it comes to Cinco de Mayo. Cinco de Mayo is the 5Th of may which is a big party holiday here in America. But in Mexico its barely recognized. But during those times every Mexican restaurant and bar would have banners from The liquor companies announcing the party. But not on the 16Th. Which is barely recognized here. maybe not even a pebble. which is extremely sad. But in all examples most people have no clue when Canada's birthday is July 1st.

big toe

Its all my big toes fault. my right big toe. The fat toe. The thumb toe. I don't know what the big toe is called? But you get the idea which toe I am talking about. Well that always make a hole in my shoes. Perfectly good shoes. And its happening again. and it is depressing me. I like these shoes. But now its shoe life is shortened because of that big toe. And why is always that big toe. For once I wish it would be the other big toe. But it isn't. Its like my toe insist on making a hole in every shoe I wear. Like it used to be a penis in its past life and it wants to be again. I like the spirit of the toe. It just needs to go through. But it makes my shoes useless. Sad. I know. I think about putting some kind of padding above the big toe area. So it has protection. No not that kind of protection you pervert. And not that kind of pad either. No football pads. Pads worn by women in the 80's as shoulder pads. Or the pad women use on that time of month. Even though i figure that pad would do the job.

captain

Vernon Davis was named captain by the San Francisco 49ers. This is great. This is what team unity is all about. Yes Vernon was kicked off the field by Singletary during the end of a game. But he got a chance to better the situation and he took it. Now he is ready to lead the team. The rest of the team elected him captain. That is respect. It makes me proud to be a 49ers fan. It just says so much of the team. Of the organization that this is taking place. So many times you hear about people shouting Christain vaules. But rarely do you see it take place. This is one of those times. When you take every piece of the puzzle and make every piece feel important. You give leadership roles to people who have shown they are ready to lead. By choosing someone like Vernon Davis. Someone who would be the unlikeliest choice from history. You open up new energy to acheive your goals as a team. It makes every memeber realize their is reward in a changing for the better. Because when people just see the same pieces being put to use. Things get stale. So instead of going for the easy choice. The team took a risk. That pays better in teamwork. Because logical means no advancement. Because logical choices are not new choices. When the team feels a logical choice is taking place. The team will feel they do not have the freedom to experiment. So their is no advancement. Just stuck in limbo.

macs

I used to not like macs. Because I thought mac users were a bunch snobs. Like they are better than anybody else. Because they use a mac. But now since I have been using a mac. I too have fallen under macs love spell. I too am thinking of turning my life over every apple. Not because the macs are any better. But because the keyboards are so nice to touch. So rubbery. So sweet like the feel of a rubber ball. Not like that hard plastic that my laptop has. Like the sweet movement of a freshly grown plum falling from the trees. Hitting the ground and meeting mother earth.

broke ass fans

I am a man. and I do what men do on Sundays in the fall. Football. Not just any football. NFL football. Thank god being a 49er fan. They have fans that buy tickets. Unlike the team on the other side of the Bay Bridge. So the games are not blacked out. In fact I can't remember a game ever being blacked out. So its kind of sad and I do feel bad for those fans that bad that made that bad choice. What bad choice you ask? Well that bad choice of rooting for a team that has broke ass fans. The raiders have broke ass fans. They always have blacked out games. And why shouldn't they? They do have a black hole. And they do wear black. But the 49ers do not have broke ass fans. Because they never have black outs. A lot of teams have broke ass fans. Its one thing if the teams are bad. But when the fans are bad than that's when you have a black out. So if you kids and they are at that age that they are choosing what NFL team to fall in with. Check the list on black outs. If a team has black outs this season. Try to encourage them to fall in love with a another team. A team with no black outs. Like the 49ers. Because broke ass fans will break your heart. How can you watch a team that will not be on TV?

doubles

Watching doubles tennis is not exciting enough. We need some action. Like when one of them misses the shot. The other is got to yell at them for a while. I want to see some action. Especially the William's sisters. You know they want yell at each other when something goes bad. They show no emotion. I want to see people arguing over whose shot it was. It was on your side. No it was on your side. Whatever. I would be the worst doubles partner ever. I would just let the other player get the ball. They would play tennis and I would just talk shit instead. You suck. Your slower than a parked car. That would be my job. I would just stand in front of the net and just talk shit. I would flipp them off once in a while. All that shit. Laugh at them when they miss. I will laugh at them. When my partner misses a shot I will complain. When we lose I will blame my partner for the loss. And if we win i will take full credit.

jim brown

I was at a comedy show. When Jim Brown came in. At first I did not think it was him. Since he had a cane with him. And not one of those cool canes that rappers use. But a real cane. Like a medical cane. And some hot 20something year old. I am sure most people who did not know it was him would have thought it was his daughter. But I knew that it is not his daughter. I had no idea that Jim used a cane. And it goes to show. Someone who was maybe the greatest running back ever in the NFL. Is not immune from having his legs go bad. Which is scarey. This man who is still known as someone who tried to end gang wars. Comes in and gives me that look. Yes its me Jim Brown. Yes I need a cane to walk and yes I still get 20 something year olds. I have seen so many interviews of Jim Brown. I guess I never thought I would see him with a cane. Kind of sad. But I have no doubt he can still kick my ass. I can see how the gangs listened to him. That is not one man you want to fuck with.

no angels cry

What kind of an asshole decided to ship off the Angels to Kansas City for Labor Day weekend. Is their a team that does less labor than Kansas City. OK the Pirates. But yes Kansas City. And guess where i was Labor Day weekend? Yes Los Angeles. How did the MLB put the Angels in Labor Day weekend in KC. The hard working Angels deserved to be somewhere nice on Labor Day. Somewhere like Anaheim. I wanted to see my angels so bad in Anaheim. Mickey Mouse sucks. So I did not even step into Anaheim or the OC. It would be nice. But in a way. Its good because when I go into the Big A. I think of all the new fans. Who never suffered like some of us suffered. 1986 was painfully sad. These new fans with their red caps. Who arrived with the World Series Championship in 2002. It just doesn't feel like our Big A anymore. Its theirs. The red cap fans. Not the blue cap fans. But its still my and our Angels. And yes I missed them much.

nails

I chew my nails. I don't know why some people have a problem with that. They think its a bad habit or just plain bad. But I am just thankful that I was not born a woman. Because I could not chew my nails. Because I want them nicely painted to make myself look sexy. With chewing nails with paint on them you will get high. Maybe that is a plus. Maybe that is a good reason. I don't see chewing on nails a bad habit. But some see it as a nervous disorder. Nice. But it could be worst. I could be flexible like a gymnast. So I would chew on my toe nails. Toe nails are just as yummy as regular nails are. So what have we learned today? Do not disturb Chris when he is chewing on his nails. If you see Chris stretching out. He is not trying give himself oral sex. He is trying to chew on his toe nails. Sadly no one has offered their nails for me to chew on. Maybe that should be part of a marriage. You get to chew on your spouse's nails. Especially if the nails are long and sexy with diamonds glued on.