hangover

iIkeep seeing commercials for The Hangover. The special edition hangover. Not the regular one you saw in the theaters. Please The Hangover got my money. It was a good purchase. I respect it. But the more I keep seeing commercials. The more I am starting to hate the movie. Its not the moveimakers fault. That they are trying to squeeze out every dollar out of it. But still how many versions are you going to have? Special edition, unedited, director's cut? I want the version iIliked. I don't need all these versions. Just one. The one I saw in the theater. And I don't need to buy it. I saw it. You got my money. Be happy.

hand

I had to give some blood today. One of those do not eat for 12 hours. I hate this tests because they can't find a vein in arms. So I have been stabbed then she moves it around in my arm looking for veins. It hurts. They should know better than to do that. But today I hit a new low. She did not even bother taking her chances on my arms. She went right for my hand. Its bad enough having a bruise on your arm that makes you like a heroin addict. At least in the winter you can cover up the bruise with no worries. But if have a bruise in the summer that might be a little more complicated. But having a bruise on your hand. It is a problem. There is no way to cover it up. What are you going to do? Wear gloves. Use the Michael Jackson glove on one hand. Like that is not going to stand out. Its going to stand out as much as having a bruise on your hand.

late

I was busy hanging out outside with my friends. We were on the fast food line drive through. When I get this call that I am on in 10 minutes. Well ten minutes is a long time. No way it would take longer than ten minutes. But then we were not moving. We had not even payed in the line at in and out burger. I was in trouble. and why was I risking it. For some food? Is just for food. I did not want to be late. then I get another call. 6 minutes. 6 minutes until I am on stage. We still have not picked up the food. We need to get that before we can move it back to the club. well we get our food. and we take off. I am scared. I did not want to be late. A friend of mine missed her spot and she got yelled at. Another one missed his spot. Did not get on. Well I wanted to run in. I get in. It turns out i am next. So I had a reason to get all nervous.

cologne

I got a very weird Christmas gift. I got a cologne. Colognes are not my thing. I don't try to smell good. I smell alright I say. But who is saying. Are they trying to send me a message that I smell bad. How dare you use the wonderful holiday of Christmas to send me the message that I smell bad. Why do you get to send me the message? I think smell alright. I take a shower each day. I wash my hair every other day. So I smell good. Enough of this you need cologne crap. I smell like I am supposed to smell. Like someone who bathes smells. So to get cologne is a slap in the face. At least get me a cologne that smells good. Not some cologne that smells perfume. I am not a metro sexual. So I do not appreciate getting some cologne that smells like something flowery. I am a man. I want to smell like a man smells.

kewl

My friends complain that the word kewl has been used like a hundred times on their cell phone texting. Its true I like to use the word kewl a lot. Not spelled the right way cool. But spelled the wrong way kewl. But it does not say kewl. Its listed as kewl. Which is a different listing if I use different words. So they are annoyed by my using a word that does not exist. I should just use real words. Fake words. Hipster words are not allowed after you turn 30. That is the law. Well it is allowed. I use it. That means it is OK. Its OK. Because I tear down walls. That's what I do. Is tear down walls. Like tearing down the kewl word wall.

conditioner

I fucked up. I bought conditioner instead of shampoo. Why is the word poo in shampoo? I am cheap so I decided to just use the conditioner. Since it is dandruff fighting conditioner. From Head and Shoulders. But I have been getting questions. Why is your hair so dirty. Why does your hair look like you are trying to get dreads. Well the reason is I am only using conditioner. I plan to use the whole bottle. Just because I feel ripped off. The bottle looked like all the the Head and Shoulders bottle. I thought it had conditioner and shampoo in the same bottle. I did not know that their was no shampoo. I feel tricked. So I refuse to get a shampoo until my conditioner runs out. I don't care how dirty my hair looks. If it starts dreading than just call me rasta.

sign

I have seen people use sign language before. I have seen people talk to themselves before. But it is the first time I saw somebody talk to themselves with sign language. I really wanted to know what they were saying. What is so important they have to sign it out? What is the sign for sticking it your tongue? I have a need to know. It seemed different watching this man sign to himself. At first I thought he was talking to the bus driver. But no the bus driver can sign and drive the bus at the same time. But the guy was fully absorbed in doing his sign language. What is the sign for fuck you? How about shut the fuck up? He just kept on going for more than a half an hour. Was some imaginary person signing back to him. But it was non stop. So he did not let the other person sign back. Good thing he has energy to keep signing. It tired me out just watching.

cart

I was at the store yesterday. Waiting to use an elevator. The elevator door opens. I get inside. The door starts to shut. Then this guy with a cart with a baby. Uses the cart to stop the door from closing. Hey your baby is in the way too. What the hell. I know its important to get in the elevator. Waiting the 5 minutes extra is worth it. Put your baby in danger why don't you? The elevator knows your are using a baby to block the door way. So it will open right up. Dumbass. You can't use a baby to block the door. If you had no baby. I would so. Go for it. But you have a baby. Maybe it traumatized the bundle of joy. You don't know what the baby thinks of this door smashing up against the cart she is riding. She might get scared. Might never want to ride a cart again. Just because you needed to save the extra minutes.

racism

Not All racism is equal. I saw a Latina use the N word. Some black males did nothing about it. As much as they had said something. The fact she was a homeless looking crackhead. Had a reason to do with the fact they said nothing. But he just stared. So it was like what are they going to do? Even if it is wrong to use the n word. If someone says it. Their should be some kind of consequence for using the n word. But if you are not in an environment where social status has something to be able to punish someone for. So they were not really punishable. So at the end all can do. Is stare.

fate

Fate tells me the weather is not going to get cold any time soon. How does fate send me the message. I had a ski cap stolen out of my car. At the mechanics. Why would the mechanics steal my ski cap. I don't know. Actually I do. Because he can. He probably looked it and thought this is hella kewl. I need it. And since he knew what was I going to complain? Not really. I wanted to. But what could I say and to who. Maybe they just threw it away. I don't know. But I do know if I don't have it. I don't need it. That is what I do know. And I know it very well. Since I don't have it. I know the weather will not get cold again. because I don't have it. And I don't have it. Because I don't need it. god is good that way. And god is very good.

crash

I crashed sunday night. On the freeway. It was a horrible crash. No one was hurt. At least I don't think so. The women driving said she got whiplash. But that's a bunch of bullshit. No whiplash on accident that had no airbags popping. At least the one in the car did not pop. Here I was going in the freeway. When she stops. Because the car in front stopped. But I did not see her stop in time. Because it was raining. Rain just makes everything worst. So I ran into her. Her car had no damage. But no. Now she wants whiplash. Please whiplash does not hurt that quickly. So god knows how much my insurance is going to pay for the medical bills. That are just bullshit. Yeah i ran into her. But she just stopped. For what reason?

tiger too

What is surprising is that he is with only white women? Having an Asian mom and a black father. Wouldn't women from those two groups interest him? It is part of his culture. Women should come with a grain of the culture you are. Or the culture you were brought up on. But it seems he has only interest in white women. I would of thought that he would be at least interested in Asian women. Since they are shaped like white women. But so far only white women have stood up to say they slept with tiger. Maybe women from other racial backgrounds know when to shut up. Or don't know how to make money off of the slutty relationship. But so far the evidence shows. Tiger only likes white women. and What slutty evidence it is.

boise

I hate Boise State. Hate them. I hate them for being too good. I went to a WAC school. Fresno State. And I could figure out how all these California players went to Boise. Boise for fuck sake. I don't care how good you are. Spending my college years in Boise sounds bad. But they do it. Boise could be the best team on the west coast. Who knows. But they have a blue field. How is that allowable? That has to be an advantage. The team wears all blue on a blue field. That is just wrong. Wrong. But they allow it. How other teams did not get with action? I don't know. So Boise is going to another bcs game. Another one. Why can't Fresno do that? Its not the coach. Their old coach is sucking up in Colorado. So its the system. But what system?

sfsu

On Tuesday I went to do an open mic at San Francisco State University. I was shocked to find people selling pipes and bongs in the open. They had a booth to sell the stuff. This is an educational institution of higher learning. Not high learning. What kind of message are we sending this kids. It is OK to smoke reefer? That is a gateway drug to eating lot of pringels? Is this the message we should be sending out now. Especially since Obama ended the war on marijuana. More now than ever we have to send the message about the harmful effects of marijuana. They see the stores that sell marijuana. To any loser who pays 200 dollars to a shitty Dr. And gets a marijuana card. They get the message that it is good to do. That's why it saddened me to see the pipe and bong dealer set up in a booth right in the campus. We need to stand up to these potheads now more than ever.

stud bar

If you have not experienced The Stud Bar open mic. You are missing out. What an experience of pure joy. The stud bar should be on everybodies calender to do list. It is hosted by Cameron Edmondson. Who is hella tall. But can't ball. Sad. He looks like a baller. Strangely. Isn't that what tall people are supposed to do. Ball. Once a month they have a showcase. Which has a different host. Kelly Annnikan. But Cameron passes out FREE drink tickets. So the comix can get shitfaced before they perform. What is better than that. Well I will tell you. Their are two mics. So one mic gets passed around to be able to heckle the comix. That's what makes this place so much fun. Its an these type of open mics that you really get to know other comix. So don't be a stranger come. The Stud bar. (415) 863-6623 - 399 9th St, San Francisco, CA Wednesdays 9pm. The last wed. is a showcase.

joke

I almost got my ass kicked last night at an open mic. At Amnesia in San Francisco. I was on stage doing my set. I have a joke that I talk about putting cheap beer and my clothes because women are attracted to the smell of cheap beer. Because it reminds them of their first time. This lesbian freaked over that joke. She said it was not funny. Why should I speak for women. Like I am trying to be a spokesperson for what women think. She said it was bad. That cheap beer joke should never be done again. I told her its a joke. Calm your ass. But no way was what i was doing OK. She blocked the doorway. Wouldn't let me out. It freaky. Because I have done jokes that people would freak out about. But that was not one of them. Maybe the women she likes smell like cheap beer. Maybe she smells like cheap beer herself. iI don't know what she really was mad at. Or why she was mad at me at all. Since i am so likable.

tiger

It is not really cheating when you slept with a lot of women during your marriage. Cheating is if you have a mistress on the side. But when you slept with many women. Then you are not really married. Forget the payment for her to stay in the marriage. The court should just throw out the marriage. It is a joke when one person is sleeping with other people like crazy. He should have never married her. She was a nanny. You don't marry the nanny. The nanny is their for the husband to fuck. That's what the nanny's sex responsibilities are. Forget marrying a nanny. Nanny's should not have kids. It breaks the natural order of things. People like the nanny's because they are so good with children. They think of them as marriage material. But its not so. Nanny's are not used to being a wife and mother. Especially when she has kids of her own. She puts all her energy on the kids and non for the husband.