big blue

Yes its that time again. College football. And its time for our new punching bag. Big Blue. If you do not know what Big Blue is. Then you have no clue what The Big House is all about. Its about the big 10 + 1. to clarify. I have always had a love for college football. Big time football. I get excited. But now seeing Big Blue's leader crying on TV makes me want to put on a jersey and run out myself and play. I spent a couple of hours in Detroit airport making a connection to Rome. But that is my only time in the Midwest. But I feel bad for Big Blue. They need to win. Have not the Michigan people suffered enough? Detroit car industry going bad. Banks running out of the state. The lions sucking big time. Red Wings losing in the finals. Big Blue needs to bleed blue. The horse shoe makes me sick. I guess I always had a thing for that word Big Blue. And that coach BO Schembechler who had a last name as sweet as mine. Its one of dreams to go watch games at the Big House. Horse Shoe. The iron bowl. All that. Notre Dame. So when it is Saturday morning and Big Blue is in The Big House. Its one of those things that make weekends great.

advertising

My new neighbor works for a company that gets advertising on a car. Well. I was thinking what companies would be good to advertise on my car. I know your first reaction is liqueur. Like beer , tequila or Zima. Well. don't think so. Because Chris does not drink. OK. fine no liqueur. Yes Chris does not drink. But it does not mean Chris does want advertising on drinking. I have drank before. So I have no problem advertising liqueur. But I want a manley liqueur. Not like blueberry Schnapps. Or non virgin Shirley Temple. Something that says Chris likes to party with good shit. Maybe some Napoleon Brandy. Something cool. Like Mad Dog 2020. Cisco. Thunderbird. Go all ghetto. All the time. Maybe some rolling paper company like Zig Zags. Bic lighters. Bad fast food. Like Jack in the box. 24 hour fitness. Like I exercise. Some new porn film coming out. Like nailin palin 2. There are so many good products I could advertise. Walmart would be cool. Hot topic. Head and shoulders shampoo. God its all good to sell your soul to advertise.

ice teas

Every time I go and eat fast food I order ice tea with no ice. Because I don't like my ice tea cold. So it does not hurt my teeth. But they have a new thing out which makes ice unnecessary. The machine makes the ice tea and soft drinks come out cold. Which really bothers me. Why do they have to make the drinks cold. If you don't want your drink cold. So you can drink quickly. Now they decided you are fucked. I like warm ice tea. No more. But they still have the balls to tell me the ice tea is warm. No its not. The machine makes the drinks come out cold. So if you have a machine that makes it come out cold. Why do they still have ice. Because ice saves them money. That's why they put ice all the way in the glass. So they put less drink. Because the ice is cheap. The soft drinks cost more. I hate the cold drink machines. Even though its over a 100% degrees outside. iI don't want the ice hurting my teeth.

dandriff

I have dandruff. I know its a big shock to everybody that I am able to admit it. Its taking me years of consoling to be able to write on this blog that I have a problem with dandruff. With all the commercials about how bad dandruff for your social life. How some people get fired for having dandruff. Well its time we dandruff sufferers stand up and take action against all the abuse we have taking. Its time we eliminate all those dandruff shampoo commercials. Its time we stand up for our rights. Where is civil rights legislation against dandruff sufferers. I think this is the beginning of a new day. I hate using the dandruff shampoo. It smells bad. I want to smell nice like the people who use all those flower fresh shampoos. Dandruff shampoos smell like some bad cold medicine. That's why I will never use a another dandruff Shampoo again.

sunglasses

One of the disadvantages of wearing sunglasses on stage is that I can't see the crowd. But an even bigger disadvantage is when I start sweating it almost looks like its the 4Th of July. When the clubs have lights in different colors. But it is a advantage too because it helps me concentrate. But when I get heckler it is bad because I have no clue on who is heckling me. So that is always a good time. But I don't remember why I started using sunglasses. Maybe because I thought it looked cool. maybe it was that I was shy and did not want anyone to look at me when I am performing. Sunglasses are many. I have worn many of them. Its not like I keep a count or a diary on them I can say some glasses have brought me luck. Sometimes I think some glasses are just lucky. But the end. I lose some. I break some. I scratch some. I am always on the lookout for cheap sunglasses. I like to check them out when I go to gas stations or gift stores. I hope the audience starts giving me sunglasses to wear. That would be fun. Fans send me sunglasses to wear when I perform.

teddy

I never knew if I really liked him. I mean he was always around. From the beginning of my life he was a senator. I know of his family. Who has not heard of the Kennedy's. But coming from a Catholic family and country. I guess we were connected to the Kennedy's. You could say that family was the Catholic family in America. But at same time I was never a practicing catholic. But you could say he was the party boss of the Democratic party. Like deal maker. So now we know what he meant to politics. But he was elected to the senate at 30 years old. Which is way younger than me. I just don't think that he left America in a good place. The deal maker who did not keep us from going to Iraq. The deal maker who did not get national health care passed in the Clinton years. But I guess the real legacy of Ted Kennedy will be Obama. If Obama does well as a president. We can say that was his lasting gift. But if Obama does bad. Then we can say why send us that way. But I can't help wondering of this political family is male. Caroline Kennedy tried to become a senator and got no support. The catholics do not allow women to become priests. So that is the Kennedy legacy.

plaxico

Plaxico Burress should not go to jail for 2 years. He should not go to jail at all. What did he do? He accidentally shot himself. It was an accident. Yeah it was at a public place. A night club. But still he was not trying to do anything with the gun. It was not even out when it happened. The mayor of New York Michael Bloomberg said he will get some jail time. Who is the mayor to say that. That's why they have a court system. So the mayor wanted to look a big shot. Some rich politician who is tough on crime. By making it tough on Plaxico. You want to be tough on crime. Be tough on crime. But sentence someone to jail for an accident. Was he on alcohol or any drugs? No. All they got him was for not having a gun license. A gun license. You are sending someone away for not having a license. I guess mayor Bloomberg wants to get tough on people he can exploit to get some attention. This is totally sad. What kind of message is this sending.

angels

The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim used to be owned by Disney. In fact during their game 7 celebration. When they beat the Giants in the 2002 World Series they interviewed the CEO of the Disney at that time Michael Eisner was asked if they were going to sell the Angels. And he said no comment. Well they did sell them. Good too. Because they are our team. If you are not with us. You are against us. We want a winning team. Not to be lead by an owner who thinks our soul reason was to sell merchandise. They changed the uniforms. Brought in the red caps in. But that is not enough to fuck with them. Now that Disney owns ESPN. They decided to fuck with them again. By putting them on ESPN 2. Tonight. And putting a NFL preseason game between the Jets and Ravens on ESPN. Say what? Preseason vs. a team that is leading the American league west?

golf cups.

I am watching the Solheim Cup. Which is the the U.S woman vs. Europe in golf. Well that is totally stupid. First of all the European women are not that good. The number one player in the world Lorena Ochoa is Mexican. Yani Tseng who is the second ranked player is from Taiwan. 4 players from Asia are ranked in the top 10. It seems a little raciest to be having this kind of tournaments. Maybe they are afraid on taking Asia. Who clearly has some good players. It is another way of trying to convince people they are the best. By excluding the rest of the world. Sweden is the only European country that produces good golfers. But really it is hard to win if you are not even included is it. men have their own version called the Ryder cup. Can we stop with this bullshit. Clearly these tournaments are outdated since Jackie Robinson broke into the majors.

smart water

If the water in the smart water bottle was so smart. How did they end up in the bottle anyway. The real smart water is the water that is still in the ocean. I have never seen anyone drinking smart water before a test. So what makes the water smart anyway? I think it was just another way to sell water? It just is water from same faucet that the other water comes from. smart or not smart. I would not think anyone who buys the more expensive water smarter than the person who does not buy the smart but cheaper. But I do consider the person buying the smart water thinking it will make them smarter. Dumber. Where is the smart water come? Somewhere real smart i bet.

beer pong teams

Can we stop before we become a nation of alcoholics. Beer pong is a drinking game. I understand why drinking games are fun. But they should be left to fun. But when beer pong teams and leagues start. Then we got problems. Because drinking should be fun. But not to the wasted level. So when you feel you had enough. You stop. But when you are a member of beer pong team. You can't stop. You have to keep drinking for the team. That becomes dangerous. So your team is in the playoffs. Its true you have to wake up early for work. And you have that big presentation in the morning. But your team is in the playoffs. You can't let your beer pong team down can you? Chug, Chug, Chug. That is when it has to end. Beer pong teams is just an excuse to drink. Just drink. If you want to drink. Drink. But when a team is involved. It just sounds like you joined another frat. Yeah its a good time. But its bad mixture. Teams should be a healthy experience. Learning teamwork is good. Beer pong is not healthy at all as a team. Yes your team won the beer pong championship. Your trophy a hangover that lasts a lifetime. AA meetings. Joblessness. Homelessness. Your wife leaves you with your kids. Lets just end this now.

happy hour

Happy hour is usually the hours between 4-7pm monday through friday. Its when they have drink deals. By drink deals I mean alcohol deals. So if I don't drink alcohol I do not get happy? We all need to be happy. Want to be happy. I guess there is no happy hour for non alcohol drinkers. What is up with that? That is not fair. I want drink specials too. I want specials for Red Bull, Rockstar, Monster, or Ice Tea. With no ice of course. I think everybody should be included in happy hour or hours. Because happy hour never last an hour does it? But it never starts if you do not participate in the alcohol. If they had happy hour for us. We would participate in happy hour. Now all we have is non happy hours. No happy. No happy. No me. No me.

farve

Brett Farve should never retire. Football needs him. Football is hella boring without him. Brett Farve brings me back to my favorite time in the NFL. Back when the 49ers, Cowboys and Packers were kings. It was good times. The T.O. catch when they beat the packers was the last hurrah. Funny I hated Green Bay and Farve. But that was long ago. More than ten years ago. As time has gone by I could care less about Farve. I just remember when their was a reason to watch football. I remember when the 49ers meant something. The 49ers vs. Cowboys meant something big. You had to watch it. Its not like that anymore. The 49ers and the Packers had losing records. Those were the days. Free agency came along. Debartolo lost the team because he was involved in bribery charges. His sitster took it over. And it went into shit.

unchampions

A lot of cities claim to be the city of champions. What about the city of unchampions's? Oakland, Ca. Unchampion is right. First their baseball team the Athletics are terrible. They are so bad no one wants to build them a stadium to move there. No one in Oakland government wants to give them money for a stadium. That's how bad they are. They claim they are a small market team. Small market. Come on. They are in the San Francisco bay area. The 5Th biggest market in America. Small market. Bad excuse. When you have an excuse like we are short on money. It means you are looking for an excuse to suck. The Raiders. Ha ha. The Raiders coach pushed a chair one of his assistant coaches was sitting on into closet. Breaking his jaw. I know football is a violent sport. But as far as I know only one sport condones that kind of violence. Pro wrestling. and they do it so your jaw does not get broken. They have a owner AL Davis. Who is got Alzheimer's. He still thinks its the 1970's. No one wanted to be head coach of the Raiders. They hired a college assistant to take over. Before they fired him. Golden State Warriors. Can the Warriors drop the Golden State name. I live in the Golden State. I am ashamed of their usage. Their coach Nellie is just chasing the wins record. His heart is not in it. He has a young team and refuses to play rookies. If your team only has rookies. you have to play them. he got his gm Chris Mullin fired. And got a friend of his hired as GM. So they can suck for a couple of more decades.

public

It always goes to public vs. private. Public school-private school. Public pool-private pool. Public college-private college. Public golf course-private golf course. Public insurance-private insurance. Its always public vs, private. It starts out at private school. Then your friends and you will go the private road all your life. Private everything. Yacht clubs. Private parking. Private gated communities. It never ends. Private pre-schools. When people hear the word public. It scares them. Private beach. It drives them mad. The word public to some people is associated with socialism and communism. Wasn't the USSR all about public everything. Maybe its time. No more segregation. No more separate but equal. This is America. Private dinner clubs. We don't do private here. We are public. Open to everybody. Enough with the commie references. Can't we all be public people. All our lives. Lets end private schools. Private pre-schools. Private tennis clubs. Private everything.

Marion Shepilov Barry

Marion Barry was the Washington D.C mayor who was arrested for smoking crack on video. But it was difficult for me not to like him after watching the documentary. http://www.hbo.com/events/ninelivesofmarionbarry/index.html. the man came back from jail and got reelected mayor. That is incredible. Even more that this is Washington D.C. the capitol. But he kept coming back. Drugs is an addiction. Yeah maybe a drug addict should not be running a city or almost anything else. But the fact he was setup on video smoking means they wanted to fuck him up. Not help him get help. He kept getting back up. He is in the city council even today. What can I say. But this man is incredible. He should be looked up to. I can see why he keeps getting voted into office. I would vote for him. Watch and you will understand.

http://www.hbo.com/events/ninelivesofmarionbarry/index.html

imax

I went to see Harry Potter on Imax. They handed out 3d glasses which are cool. The 3d glasses have come along way from cardboard red and blue shades. But it was advertised as 3d. But it was only 3d for 20 minutes. That's not 3d. That's a joke. Please do not tell me its 3d and charge me 16 dollars for 20 minutes. Hey I wanted to see harry potter on Imax. I am cool with the 16 dollars. Its Imax. No commercials. But do not tell me its in 3d. Make me put on the glasses. When out of nowhere there are signs saying 3d over. Take off glasses. Take glasses? Give me a fucking break. What a joke. Really. Harry Potter on Imax does need 3d to sell. So do not get me all excited with some cool looking glasses and some cool looking 3d. Then say we got your money. Ha ha. We tricked you. It looks like the director got lazy. Started doing it 3d. Then said fuck it. I don't feel like doing 3d anymore.

socks

I don't remember when long sport socks became uncool. When I was growing up. We all had long socks. But then it became trendy to wear little socks. Socks that barely go over your shoes. But I still like my socks to be long. Not because I might need to use one as a condom. Even though I might have to. But because I like them. I feel naked with short socks. I even laugh at the short socks. I have been heckled by people for wearing long socks. I never got behind the short sock trend. But I must not be the only one. Because they still sell long socks. But it is getting harder to buy long socks. The funny thing is. Short socks are not cheaper to buy than long socks. So it means that this short sock trend . Was started by corporate America. Knowing fully well. that they still get the same profit. But save money by using less material. So they make more money.

cyborg

Cyborg is going to beat up Carano this Saturday. The truth is I have not watched either of them fight. I just saw their pictures on a billboard. I started laughing. It is kind of sad. That cyborg is being made into the bad one. Because she is not hot like Carano. And that is the reason why she is going to win. Cyborg just looks like a gritty fighter. She was kicking the shit out of hot girls all her life. She hates hot women. People want Carano to win. Just because she is good looking. Well not everybody. Not me. I like my MMA fighters to look like they have been in street brawls. I think this should about the best fighters. Not the hottest fighters. Cyborg is going to get in the ring. Take one look at Carano and remember that girl who slept with the guy she had crush in high school. That cheerleader who every guy wanted to be with. The prom queen. The homecoming queen. The beauty pageant winner. Its all going down. You can tell she from the looks. That cyborg is just been waiting toget in the ring with miss MMA Hottie.

shorts

Now we are in August I fear the time will come that I will put away my shorts away for the winter. Its always a sad day. I try to use my shorts as long as I can. Just because I think I am bad ass. For it. When I was in junior high. They would not allow us to wear shorts. Unless it got hella hot. They would announce it in the 2nd period announcements. The rule was if the shorts touched the knees. You could wear them. I know every shorts men wear hit the knees now. Remember this was in the 1980's. When short shorts were worn in the NBA. Just watch Magic vs. Bird on the ESPN Classic. So don't hate. Back then the shorts were so short my 3 balls would fall out. Especially when I got nervous or excited or both. So we say goodbye to shorts again. so sad. Hey I could go visit my relatives in Chile. Its summer in December there.

giants vs. dodgers

My first baseball game ever was Giants vs. Dodgers. At the Stick. And when I say Stick. I mean you better know what I mean. The Candlestick Park. Yes that park. Where champions played. Well just one champion. The 49ers. I was young. In 1981. Fun year. Or was it 1980. I don't remember. I went with a friend and his dad. My friend from Christian day care. Where I learned how to sing Hallelujah song. Yes that song. Watching that game little did I know about the hatred the Giant fans have for the Dodgers. I was a kid. Little did I know that my favorite player Reggie Jackson was coming to my future favorite team. The California Angels. Who would become the Anaheim Angels. Who would defeat the Giants in the 2002 world Series. Good times.

food network

I don't understand people who like to watch the food network at the gym. If you are working out trying to lose weight. Why do you want to watch a show about food. Food made you fat. Food is the reason why you are in the gym. If you go to rehab. Do watch a network about drugs? If you are at a AA meeting do want to watch a network about drinking alcohol. No. So why watch a show about food. Most of the chefs on the network are fat. For a reason they eat too much. Stop it. Its annoying. It makes me hungry. I can not eat while on a bike. So please stop watching it. Watch porn instead. Watch MTV, e channel, CNN, fox news. Just something else.

comcast

I hate when I am watching CNN headline news and Comcast breaks into their local news interviews. If I wanted to see bad local interviews I would not be watching CNN headline news. I would be watching some local Comcast channel. That I have no idea if it exist because I don't give a fuck about. Why break into CNN headline news? There are so many other bad channels you could break into. Like the outdoors channel. Outdoors channel. If Iwanted to be outdoors. I would be outdoors. But I am not. I am indoors watching TV. Is their a get get drunk channel. Where you watch people drink. No. Because it is participant activity. So stop breaking in into CNN headline news. Because I am quite sure no one watches the stupid interviews. Not even when I lose the remote do I watch it.

stuff

Hot stuff no stuff. We all got stuff. Where is your stuff? Is it stuff holder in a place where you can rent stuff holders? The garbage man does not like to pick up your stuff. Especially if your stuff is too heavy. Where do you put your stuff if it is unstuffable. You pay to put your stuff. We got stuff. We all got stuff. My stuff. Your stuff. Where is it all go? I got stuff. Stuff that used to sit in a stuff store. But I got to take it out of the store and put it in my stuff holding area. You pay to have a stuff store. You pay to have a stuff holding area. You can say we are all stuff too. When we die we pay to become stuff in the ground. Then we become stuff in worms stomach. And then we become stuff in the worms stuff hole dispenser.

mls

Can we stop having MLS teams play real soccer teams. The MLS is just getting their ass kicked out there. How much do they have to pay to bring real teams out here to play.The real teams do not even take the games seriously and they are still kicking their ass. Come on. Save some money on bringing these teams out here and use it to bring some better players. Non of these players are thinking. U want to play here. MLS is a joke. Beckem tried to leave the MLS. Even though no one would pay him that kind of cash. Every year these teams, Real Madrid, Barca, Milan-both, America man u and Chelsea come here to play. For what? To show Americans what real soccer is like. Enough. Enough. Lets just end this joke right now. If these teams took these games seriously. They could win by ten goals.

pain sun moon

When the wind comes at you scared of the sky's. Where is the sun. Where is the fun. What I ask for thee dark sky. Sun awake and cry. Laugh out loud bizarre sun shill through. Maple sticks of loud baking troubles. Pain sun moon. Its all the cleverness of the dark sky on wet sunny side up day. Come for me on hot wet summer day. Cold with the darkness of sun light of the night. Oh please make me see the sun. Oh place the magic in my eyes. Its a hot wet sun. Or is it wet hot day sun shine brightness all over. A hot wet night. Cool sun in my eyes. Or yesterday or today. A hot wet sun night phase walks through me. Wa.

arco

Arco is my favorite gas station. I love it. I love it because they have the self service money machines. You know those money machines that you put money in it to pump your gas. Its like the opposite of an ATM. The ATM sends money out. This machines sends money in. Their is nothing more embarrassing then having to take money into a counter when you only have a couple of dollars to pump gas. But in Arco you can just put the couple of dollars inside the machine. So really no one but you will know the shame of only pumping a couple of dollars of gas. Hey I know that shame. But now that shame feels better. Because of Arco. I don't know if the inventors of the machine were thinking of the shame. But I would not think so. Because really gas stations are their to make money. Not make your shame feel better. And better it does.

songs

I hate when I am shopping. They are playing sad songs. So you feel bad and spend more money. I just want to shop with a clear head. Not an emotional pain in there. It sucks. When you are at the supermarket they play sad songs. You start thinking about sad memories from your past. Then you feel like buying things that will make you feel better. Like something with a lot of sugar and liqueur in it. Well not liqueur. I don't drink. But I usually go and buy food to help fight the sadness I developed because of the songs. Songs I did not want to hear in the first place. When I was having my teeth cleaned. They had the easy listening station on. One time a song came on. I almost started crying. Then the woman was looking at my eyes. Knowing the song had an emotional impact. Is it too much to ask for happy songs.

lock

The driver's side lock door of my car is bad. So when I open my door to get in. I have to open the passenger door lock and get in the car. To open the drivers side door. Yesterday I parked in a Bart parking lot. The car next to me parked so close to my passenger's side door. That I could not get in to open the door. I tried to get in front the back of the trunk. But it is impossible. So I decided to wait for the car to get back. But after a half hour I got nervous. So I called AAA. To open my car door. But I was embarrassed to let them know my problem. So I barely got the passenger side door open. I threw my keys into the car. But I had backup keys on me. So if they got their quickly I could just go. I called AAA. Told them my side story. They said will send a truck over. Cool. A half later no truck. I called again they said. He is coming. Cool. Then I see the AAA truck coming. But who else is coming. Yes the car people came. Too late. When they were pulling out. I had to flag down the AAA truck. No choice. Just sad. I know.

deodorant

My white t shirts that I wear under neath my cool looking shirts. Are stained with the sent of deodorant. If it is stained and the smell is still there. Should I use deodorant anymore? Or is the protection if the used deodorants stained on my t shirts enough? I like the smell of the deodorants on the t shirts. So next time someone says Chris you smell good. I will wonder if it is the deodorant I am wearing, the deodorant stained on the t shirt or my manly sweat. I think it is my manly sweat. Because I do not drink alcohol. So my sweat is pure fast food. Which is to say good or not good. Good if you too are a fast food junkie or not good if you are vegetarian. But the sweet smell of mixed up deodorants on my t shirts. Because I buy which ever is on sale at the moment.

breakfast

I like breakfast burritos. But why should they be just for breakfast. I know they have the breakfast name in the burritos. But still. Would they be for all day long if they had another name. Like brunch, dinner or lunch burritos. Is the make up of a breakfast burrito different than regular burritos? I am not a fan of a regular burritos. But I do like breakfast burritos. Breakfast burritos have eggs, bacon, sausage, cheese, sometime hash browns. Regular burritos have cheese, beans, salsa and some other things like cow brains. I want a good breakfast burrito. At any time of the day. And when I say good. I do not mean. Jack in the box. So lets change the name of a breakfast burrito. To egg burrito.