hallohottie

Halloween has never been my favourite holiday. But I do have to say I like that the women decide to go all out on Halloween. What is sexier than seeing some hottie dressed up as a Disney character. What kind of hot role play action is that? I bet Disney makes a fortune selling Halloween costumes to hottiies and wanna be hotties for Halloween. What says better than skank than make Cinderella look like a whore. Snow White was a whore 7 dwarfs. They could eat her out without getting on their hands and knees. 7 of them. You never see a Snow White with seven dwarfs. Men do not fantasize about being a dwarf? Do they. And then have to find seven. Maybe she can convince her boyfriend to be dwarf. But what bout his friends? How deep is that friendship? Don't think so. Maybe 7 female dwarfs like bridesmaids?

halloween

I just had some kids come to my house for trick or treating. They were young kids. So I was wondering why they are trick or treating on the 30Th a Friday. Its genius. No one is expecting it. Some people like me did not have any candy at all. So yeah in my case they messed up. I just told them no candy. I wish had candy for them. I felt very bad for them. I wanted to cry. But now I keep asking the question why go out the night before Halloween. For church reasons. Maybe no candy eating on Saturday is that a rule is some religion. No going out on Saturday. Its church I don't why? But I know they have good reason.

gym

My gym is so broke that they make you check yourself in. That's broke. If you can't even afford to pay someone to stand in front of the counter and check people in. Why even pay. I can just walk in scan my not working pass and go for free. It only cost 14 dollars a month to join. So I pay. But their is no gym instructor. Their is no pool. No gym workers. It seems like a nice place. Not that I am complaining. I never liked having to check in. Their is something about somebody smiling and saying have a good day when you just worked out. I rather they just tell me to get the fuck out here. That would be more entertaining for me and them. Its not fun. I would wait until someone was checking in. To walk out. That way I would not have do the fake goodbye to the front desk chicky baby.

bay bridge

So the Bay Bridge went down during the windy days. Well that is unacceptable. Where does my 4 dollars for crossing the bridge go. Shouldn't that buy me safety? We pay for good service. We pay for protection. And this is what we get. Danger. I didn't mind paying 4 dollars because I thought it went to keeping us safe? Now I wonder where the money goes. It didn't go to the right places did it? It didn't go to getting real good parts? Did it. It didn't go to working things right. It went to what? Politicians money campaign? I think we need an explanation of where all this money is going. We need an explanation what went wrong.

mcguire

So Mark is coming back to be a hitting coach for St. Louis. Why not? He was a great hitter. Even including all the steroid use. But really isn't this a racial issue. isn't the fact that mark is Caucasian lets this happen. Barry bonds would never become a hitting coach, Jose Canseco would never become a hitting coach. But mark being white gets a second chance. Its rare that the batting coach's come from the 500 hr club. Even though they are considered great hitters. Mark would never be as good as Barry was. Barry was a real hitter. Mark was just a bomber. So mark can teach you how to hit home runs but what about doubles. Singles. Hitting all sides of the field? Now he gets a shot to show he changed. No body else will get that chance. That is the trouble with it. Tony La Russa always stood up for Mark. even defended him. Now he is bringing him back. You scratch my back. I scratch yours. And since he is white its acceptable.

don rickles

Today I saw the master at work. Near Fresno. i always wanted to watch him live. and i got my chnace near Fresno. At the Table Mountain Casino. I always find it fascinating how he can say all those things and get away with it. As insult comics go. He is the best. He even sing songs. Who knew Don Rickles could sing. And he does. Funny how quick witted he is. The crowd was packed and ready for him. When he hit the stage. Sad how more comedians did not take the opportunity to see it in action. Because he is one of a kind. And one of his generation. But the best part is he gave us a whole show. With a backing band. The kind you never see anymore in the comedy world. Almost none of the comedians hit the stage with their own theme song. When you see him come out with bull dancing song. You know it. Then he is singing in Spanish always a treat.

fans

Yeah I started a fan page on Facebook. The cool thing about the page is I can ask people over and over to join. I did not see it as a problem because I sign up for fan pages without thinking about it. I thought everybody did. But I was wrong. Some people do not sign up for fan pages unless they are really fans. Or maybe not any at all. So I guess I upset some people by asking over and over. Not that I was trying to bother. I just wanted them to sign up. But some people refused to sign up. Because they think their opinion matters. I have another fan page. For our web series hanging out. But that one I can only ask people to sign up once. So I did not get in trouble. Just sign up. Its not a big deal. I had people sign up. And they did get not spammed by my request. But if you get bothered just sign up. Its a numbers game. That is all it is. If you spend your day saying no to my fan page. You must be as bored as I am. I only ask people that are my facebook friends. Some people even canceled their facebook friendship over it. Don't let the tears hit the keyboard.

dreams

You know a game is important if it gets inside your dreams. I dreamed that the Angels won today. What a dream. I have been dreaming a lot lately. They say you don't dream if you smoke a lot of marijuana. Well I cut down. Now I dream. Good dreams. Bad dreams. I had a dream I was in a war zone. Trying to survive. That is always not a fun dream. Usually people I know get in my dreams. I wonder if they are having the same dream at the same time. I like to dream. But sometimes i wake up sad. Because I like the dream I was having. I wanted it to be real. Other times I am happy it was just a dream. So the dreams are back. And back with a mission. To send Chris messages. I wonder why you don't dream if you smoke marijuana. I guess. Its god's way of saying you don't need it.

watch

The Angels comeback win was one for the ages. It reminds of game 5 ALCS in 1986. When the Red Sox came back and won against the Angels. I know what the Yankee fans are feeling. Fear. Fear that this team is going to fold on them. Like they did when the red sox came back being down 0-3. But this is different. The angels now have to go into the new Yankee stadium and won 2. They can do it. Their something about this team. Will they come back I hope so. It would be nice. Because I am going to New Jersey in November. So I will be just one and half hours from Philly. So I will be trying to go. The Phillie's did their part. Now its the Angels turn. Funny I was not even watching. I was getting updates by text message. At one point their were down 6-4. I thought it was over. But its never till its over. And its not over yet. Hopefully it will end in game 7 for the angels.

milk

I watched the movie MILK. I wondered why they have straight actors play gay characters. As much as Sean Penn is a good actor. He is still not gay. Its like having a white actor don black face. We would not like it or accept it. So why is OK with sexuality? Their is still a lot of gay actors in the closet. So it would help them out if we at least gave gay actors gay roles. But we don't. In fact gay actors get mostly straight acting roles. Even though they know as much as being straight. As a straight person knows about being gay. So why do we keep doing it. most of the movie was played by straight actors. Even though most of the characters were gay. I am not saying it was not well acted. It was. It was a good movie. But that question is still in the air. Is it easier for people to see a movie about gay people played by straight actors? At least it was filmed in San Francisco.

fox news

I think its funny that liberals complain about Fox News. They hate it. Why can't they just leave Fox News alone. Just except it. The right wing has their own news network. So what. Its a free country. Its a way to put out right wing information. Its OK. They get their side of the pie. The liberals get their side of the pie. Whats the problem? I don't get it. The more they complain. The more people watch. That's how it is. They want to complain until Fox News goes off the air. Really. Good luck. You know that will never happen. And if it does. Welcome to Communism. Because that is what Communism is. Just one side one opinion. We don't do that here. We let everybody have a side. An opinion. That's what free speech is all about. Or do they forget about that. When it benefits them. Its all good. I try and watch no news at all. Kiss my ass.

flood

Where were you when San Francisco flooded. I was there. Coming back from traffic court. Some of the streets were flooded. How is that possible? Does it not rain ever. How can a city like San Francisco have streets that flood when it rains. A freeway exit was flooded. Somehow they need to build holes to get the water out. Because if their is no holes. The water stays in. That's how it works kids. A glass with one hole on top keeps the water in. Make a hole in the bottom of the glass. The water gets out. Holes are a rainy cities best friend. That's what needs to be done. Holes Are everything to floods. Or trucks that take in water. Like the ones that cleared out New Orleans after that bitch Katrina.

glass

I was ta the mall. They had an exhibition of glass pumpkins. It is Halloween season after all. I was in the elevator with this couple who had a kid. The wife said I don't those those pumpkins. They are just a bunch of clutter. Clutter. When did art turn into clutter? Someone spent time making those one by one. Not machine made. Just to be called clutter. By some art hater. Have gotten to the point that art is just clutter? Clutter is junk. Art is not junk. And from the prices of those pumpkins its expensive clutter. Enough of this art hatred. Just because you are not art inclined. Gives you no right to criticize it. Its not like a criticize the economy. OK. well i do. But I don't criticize things I don't understand. Well that is not true. So criticize on my sister of criticism.

black taco

Taco bell came out with a black taco. I know it sounds like bad joke. A black taco. I thought black tacos were tacos that were burned. But no they have black taco. And no I have not tried. So I have no right to criticize. Right? Wrong. I can criticize and i will. But really this is a move trying to get more creative. More people into buying something out sheer wtf volume. And it is. I don't know if any other restaurant serves a black taco. So i don't know how they got the idea. But this idea I will tell you can make or break someones career. And i don't even know if it is or not going to be successful. It could be. But just the thought of a black taco sounds like a bad idea. Not many foods black in color are considered tasty. In fact iIcan't think of one right now. But I will say it is not raciest. You see we associate black colored food. To burned food. So of course we don't want to a black taco. Because how do we know its not burned. It could be very tasty. And just by its name "the black jack taco". iIbet its very spicy.

bud light speaker

What new crazy invention can we think of now. Oh yeah. the bud light speaker box. Its a 24 pack of beer that comes with a speaker. That you connect your I pod or cell phone to it. So you can hear music while getting drunk. Nice. What is next the bud light that comes with a condom. The bud light that drives the car for you after you get drunk? The bud light that tells you to keep drinking. The bud light that cheers you on during beer pong. A bud light box that turns into a bed to have sex. Way out. And I am not saying it is bad idea. It is a good idea. The job is to sell beer. Especially to people who buy 24 packs. I don't know how many 24 packs get sold during a day. But now they will be looking for the bud light box with the speaker. Why buy that? Just connect the I pod to the laptop instead. Sounds like an idea that could do really well. Ha ha.

helmets

It has surprised me how shiny the football helmets have become. In a sport that the football helmet gets hit a lot. The helmets never have any chips in them. Its like they paint them every week? But how is that possible. You have to measure to make sure you get the stickers on right. It seems like it is a full time job. For somebody keeping the helmets looking nice. Some of the helmets look like they were painted using hot rod type paint. You know hot rod paint. Its the paint used to paint hot rod cars. Just a tad bit too shiny. You never see new cars looking that shiny. Its like they use special paint that does not chip. Maybe its not even paint. Maybe its a sticker type substance. In Notre Dame they paint the helmets with real gold dust. But their helmets are easy to take care of. Because they have no stickers. So its easy just to paint them every week.

bridge

I was on my way to the bay bridge when the 3 lanes were closed. It was disappointing. I was on my way to pick up a friend. And i could not get there. Funny the Safeway truck crashed in the new S curve. Also funny to find out they have had over 30 crashes on the S curve. Please an S curve? What is superman mayor? Why an S curve? Does it light up every time crime is taking place. So superman comes out of hiding spot. In the Oakland Hills? Why make an S curve? S curves just sound dangerous. What kind of architect would think that is a good idea? Its an S curve on a bridge that people are going 50 mph. And then have to slow down to 40 mph. On an S curve. Why not a z curve or would that be too much? How about y turn . What? At least superman should have kept the Safeway truck from turning over.

freeway

I am tired of waiting to enter the freeway. Waiting on those stupid stop lights to enter the freeway. What is the point in making us enter the freeway one by one? We know how to enter the freeway. Without crashing into each other. We don't need the light telling us it is ok to enter. We can either all enter the freeway or not. We don't need some light telling us its OK to enter. Why do we have to wait for the light. In some places the freeway runs fine. But their is a big back up with the light. Whats the point of creating that backup in the first place? Its about making the commute worst. Because that is all it really does. Is makes the things worst. So we should just eliminate the stop lights at the freeway entrance before it drives us crazy. Trying to enter the freeway. Or just makes is wait in that stupid light to enter.

mighty

What happened to the mighty storm. The storm of all storms. Where is all the flooding. I have to say. That's why weathermen suck. Because they check their computers. Make all these calculations. But they never say I fucked up. When its hot. They always talk about when it is getting cooler. When its cold they always talk about when its warming up. Its all as bad as the people that sell predictions on sporting events. All those people who sandbagged just for nothing. Some of them barley had strength to sandbag. Maybe screwed up their backs. Just to sandbag. Because they were afraid of having their house flooded. Are they happy. Yes and no. Yes because their house did not get flooded. And no because they spent all that effort putting up the sandbags. Then their wife is going to start nagging. The sandbags look ugly. Remove them. But rain season just started. I don't care put them back when it rains. But it looks ugly. I want the house to look beautiful. So you remove them. Because you love your wife.

rain

Rain is here. But why scare us. Like saying you need ten sand bags for flooding. Or saying this storm caused a tsunami in the Philippines. Yes I am scared. To the point. To what point? I made no plans for Tuesday. Thinking the hurricane. Oh no hurricane name yet. So it can't be that bad. Is it tornado status? Tornado's don't get named. I am scared. Sitting here on my second floor. Yes second floor. That means no flooding for us. It would take hurricane Katrina to flood the 2nd floor. But I watch the news I got scared. What are you doing Tuesday? NOTHING. The worst storm ever is coming. Its not that bad. But its just the beginning. It is going for at least a whole day. We might lose the electricity. I am ready. Got my cell phone all charged up. My lap top all charged up. Hopefully the wireless won't go out. So I can read about how bad the storm is without electricity.

world cup

So its official. The USA qualifies for the World Cup in a game that is not broadcast anywhere in America. How is that possible. I know Saturday. College football. And MLB playoffs. And the NHL is going on. And the NBA preseason. But still this the national team. Can we become anymore un-nationalistic. Sports matter. Especially if it is the national team. This is important. No one watched it. No one cares. By they were scared of sending a TV crew into Honduras? Maybe. I doubt it. The other sports can not be more important than this. This is international credibility. Obama should have personally made sure this game is on national TV. They took back the Noble Peace Prize. Because they were so ashamed Obama let this happen. I know some colleges playing football can not compare to the national team. Forgot golf. This is important. How do you think the people of Honduras feel now. They are so not important. They did not even bring a film crew to film it. Sadness. i feel. Shame.

early

Its early morning. I know it. Time to get up to watch the Angels vs.. Red Sox game. How early? 9 am early. How did MLB get the brilliant idea of putting the Angels vs. Red Sox to start at noon eastern 9 am pacific. The Angels have to fly across the country. Then wake up at maybe 5 am their time. To get ready for this game. This is crazy. What kind of schedule makers made this brillant move. They decided the Angels vs. Red Sox should start early. Because no one is watching. Well this is a big time series. Make them play the game half asleep. Why not give the Red Sox some advantage. Nice. They could have easily put this game later. Especially since the odds. Of one the national league series's would be over in 3. They knew this game would be played. It is game 3. But now the Angels will have to drink their Red Bulls to wake up for this game. Maybe they will have trouble sleeping knowing whats at stake? So make sure they have trouble. I hope no player falls asleep during batting practice.

racecar

One of my neighbors has a race car in the parking garage. It is covered up now. But I saw it one time. They actually have a sponsor. Which is kind of funny. In a ironic kind of way. But he is Hispanic. Maybe Mexican I don't know. But his sponsor. I don't know if he is sponsored. I just see the paint job on the race car. It is home depot. Being Latino driving in a home depot car. That is funny. Not saying that Home Depot is not a good store. It is. Kind of dusty. I live near a Home Depot. And no they are no people in front of it waiting for work. But its like an African American racing in a KFC car. Its just funny. Or somebody who is Chinese racing in Panda Express car. Its just funny. Not that it would work or even happen. Why not is a better question? Its about stereotypes. A Japanese racing in a Kodak car. You know because they like to take a lot of pictures. Chinese race car drivers are scary. Because Chinese drive bad. An Irish racing in a mickeys beer car. An Italian sponsored by a pasta company.

video

I got something so I can record video on my phone for longer than 30 seconds. Why do I need something longer than 30 seconds. That's how long I last during sex. Ha ha. Not true. But it is hard to record a stand up video video for only 30 seconds. Because you never know when the best 30 seconds are. Some people are only funny for 30 seconds. But not Chris . Chris is funny for more than 3o seconds. So Chris found a way to record for longer than 3o seconds. So Chris bought this thing with 2 megabytes. I hope it is megabytes. I don't know. Well I recorded my show last night and I went 13 minutes. 13 is my favorite number. Maybe so? It is my favorite joke though. So now I have the problem. That I want to show my videos. So I can showoff. But I don't have Internet on my phone. So now I have to get Internet to download the videos from my phone. Live from the phone its Chris Schiappacasse. And what sweeter words are than those words? Huh? And if you don't agree. I don't think so. Buddy. And if you do. Disagree watch my videos. they will change your mind. The ones I will soon be downloading from my phone.

gas

I hate it when I am pumping gas. That it takes forever for it pump. I hate that if you pay with cash. You get punished. The last 5o cents of any gas pumping takes about an hour to pump. It slows down to a crawl. I don't understand it? Why does it take forever to pump? Is it supposed annoy us to the point we pump with ATM cards. Because then their is no five hour crawl. I am late. I am pumping gas. And I am sitting here watching the cents move hella slow. What is up with that. I don't understand the point. Is that it the computer does not want to give you a cent free? That's just crazy. The computers aRe that bad that they have to slow down to pump the last 50 cents. Some of the gas pumps are very slow? Who decides at what pace the gas goes. Whta's the point of making it so slow? Nobody wants to pump gas there? Because it takes hours for all the gas to pump?

motorcycles

I understand special disability parking. But what I don't understand is special motorcycle parking at the mall. I went to the mall. Looked for parking. When I saw a special row next to disability parking. Reserved for motorcycles. When did motorcycles become a special parking privilege? Motorcycles should be made to park in the back of the garage. Because they are crazy to ride. They are very dangerous. So instead of giving another reason to ride them. We should punish them. Not let them park in the front of regular car parkers. So why all the special treatment? Motorcycles are not a protected right? They are not a group of people we should make sure find a way to park. They are bad for the economy. It is cheap to ride a motorcycle. The gas is cheap. When you go to the mall. The most consumers on a motorcycle is 2. Which compared to a car. Could be 5. So at the end. Its all bad.

romantic films

You can make romance film out of anything. Just put two good looking people together. One is a crackhead. The other a cop. One is a pimp. The other senator. It is endless. One is a lonely bagger. The other a homeless car washer. Romance films are just too easy. I saw one last night called Gigantic. Some 28 year old male wants to adapt a Chinese baby. He falls for rich spoiled daddy's girl. He gets baby. She freaks out. And we wonder why? Because he wants to adapt a Chinese baby. I understand why she freaks out. I have seen a lot of crazy art films. But that one is original. And it is hard to be original in today's market place. Romance films got to be some of the easiest films to make. She is a tobacco farm worker. He is a MLB pitcher wondering why his chewing tobacco changed flavours. So he makes a trip to the tobacco fields in North Carolina. Where she is lonely immigrant. Who barely speaks English. He finds her and asks her about the tobacco. She can't answer him. He decides to learn Spanish from his Cuban defecter pitching teammate. Then they fall in love.

zombieland

I usually do not go for zombie films. But I have to say there was something I wanted to watch about this film. Let me just begin that I am big fan of Woody Harrelson. Not just from his acting. I just respect the man. Especially since he moved to Costa Rica. That is one of my dreams. To live my life out in Costa Rica. But zombie films bore me. Why you ask? Well zombies are just stupid I think. I don't know where they came from? Who invented them. What writer first came up with the idea. And I don't want to know. I think zombie scares are just dumb. I don't believe the zombie menace is real. A problem is that I did not know the zombie rules. What is a zombie? How do humans become zombies? Well that was explained. Get bit by a zombie become a zombie. I think the worst part of watching Zombieland. Is sitting through all the future zombie film release or the films which zombie fans might be interested in in the previews. Thankfully I will not be watching anymore zombie films. even twilight. Zombieland is a good ass film. The whole buddy film takes on zombies. And the thought. What if the country did turn out like Zombieland. Iust a bunch of dead cars lieing around the freeway. But i got to say Zombieland is a good film because it gets the woman loving the romance part. Nerd falls for hot thief who makes sure her younger sister is save. Who watches that sad crap. Yeah me.

rio

I am happy Rio got the Olympics. Really is kind of raciest that no South American country the Olympics. But maybe not. I understand the money aspect of hosting an Olympics. All the buildings you need and the villages. Its a lot easier for countries to host world cups. just because they already have the futbol stadiums built. Even though the stadiums there have nothing to do with the stadiums here and in Europe. In Brazil they have the worlds biggest stadium. Which seats 500,000. But still they do not continually build new stadiums like they do here. Most of their stadiums only have seats in the good sections. The season ticket sections. Not the we are here to kick some other teams ass section. So it is different. There people outside asking for money to get into the games in latin america. You rarely never see that here unless you are at Laker games.

olympics

So Obama went to Copenhagen and tried to get Chicago the Olympics. He brought his wife and Oprah. Well Oprah brought herself. But Oprah? As far as I know. And I don't know I don't think Oprah is known all over the world or even outside of North America. Maybe England. I do not know if her show is on there or even Canada for that matter. But instead of this being us against them mentality. Chicago is not a city known for its niceness. First of all outside of Michael Jordon. No other Chicago athletes are know world wide. Cubs and White Sox. Cubs especially who cares. I don't. I am sure no fans from other countries are developing a love for the Cubbies. Well WGN is big. I do not if WGN is world wide. The bears. Football is an after thought in other countries. But what is Chicago famous for? The mob? The mob huh. Yes the mob. And we all know the cities history with the mob. So when people ask why not Chicago. I say Chicago. Hey. next lets try and get the Olympics in Compton, Watts, Oakland or the Bronx. It also does not help that the mayor is the son a famous corrupt Chicago mayor. That the former Illinois Governor is going on trial for corruption. Obama does not pull a lot of weight international yet. His presence alone does not get a win. Just ask the health care gurus.

spell checker

Who is in charge of the spell checker? Who decides who is in charge of which words get put into the spell checker. Sox was not in the spell checker. Sox. Two teams use the word sox. Obama got put in the spell checker. But exactly when does that happen? Is Cheney in the spell checker(YES}. Is every senator in the spell checker. or just the the famous ones. who about Pelosi?(NO) Gavin Newsom? (NO) Which ones. The spell checker seems to be great. But back in the old days. You had to know how to spell. The secretaries had to be good spellers. Now the secretaries just need to use spell checkers. Now if you spell a word badly in your school work. The teacher just thinks you are lazy. Back in the old days you had to look up the words you did not know. So what is worst. Spelling the words badly now or then. That is the question. Only the spell checker can answer.

mad men

I was watching Mad Men for the first time. I was struck that most of the characters had black nanny's. The people at the job are basically all the same. This is the way America used to be. But coming from a day that we have a African-American president. How can a show that shows life in the early 60's not include what is known as a racially biased show. Maybe that is the success of the show. It makes people dream of an age that is gone. A dream. Where men slept with the young women in the office. Its funny that they made sure they showed a single woman who is doing well in the workforce. With her own office and secretary. But why not put minorities in too. Minorities in positions of power. It is amc. So maybe that's what it was like. But when I first saw the show I thought it was the 50's. To find out the show takes place in 60's. Well we know what that age was like don't we. I was not around then. So maybe I do not know. I just fell uncomfortable watching that type of show. Where do I fit in? Would I be a gardener. The custodian. The milkman? Maybe the pool boy. Maybe not the pool boy.